I was on my way to church on a Sunday morning to preach. For no apparent reason, my mind flooded back many years to conversations with a man who hates me. He wouldn’t say that. He would say that he doesn’t like me or that he thinks I am not a good pastor or the right man for his church or some other form of the thought…but the bottom line is, he hates me. I get that. I have tried numerous times through the years to address the issue and it always ends unfulfilling and in the same place. I am not discounting his experience. He thinks I am a buzzard. I am not his former hero pastor. I get it!
In the ride to church, I am replaying the conversations over and over and saying in my mind all the things I wish I had said back then that would make me feel better. Pulse rate up. Heart beating faster. Adrenaline flowing. Spiritual high ground-SURRENDERED.
Where do these unwelcomed and intrusive thoughts come from? Not from the man. He was nowhere to be found. Not from some recent conflict. Not even from some email or Facebook post. They are DISTRACTING TOOLS OF THE ENEMY.
The enemy wants one thing…to steal glory from God. To do that, he will stop at nothing. He will invade your mind. He will argue in your ear. If the enemy can get you to surrender the high-ground, your effectiveness in the gospel enterprise is hampered.
Not to belabor the issue, but I found this to be a recurring tactic. The “noise” of this and many other things was constantly playing in the back of my mind. It created frustration within me, which provoked me to have a shortened fuse whenever ANYTHING did not go “picture perfect.”
At this point, you’re either pushing the mouse toward the top right corner…or you’re saying, ME TOO! What did you do?
When you are distracted or any time you face the enemy down and he seems to be winning…there is a “best” next step. RUN TO JESUS.
[What I am about to tell you will cause some to want to throw stones saying that I am boasting. God forbid! He knows my heart and I am sharing with you that my motive is not to point to ME but to share something that I hope will help YOU, when (not if) you find yourself here.]
I had to stop and fast and pray. Fasting is a discipline that I have had to embrace through the years (though some look at me and wonder if I ever truly miss a meal 🙂 . I was 2 days into a 3 day fast when I started getting clarity. Clarity about my own soul condition. Clarity about the wellspring of self-centeredness in my own heart. Clarity about the source of the distraction. Following this…repentance, renewal, and restored communion with God. Oh, and food. 🙂
Some would say, “I can’t do that. I can’t fast!” I say…if you are fighting the enemy’s onslaught…you cannot NOT fast. As hard as it is for me…God teaches me about His grace to do what I cannot otherwise find within me to do. In fact, if I could do it easily, I question if it would even work to bring me back into focus with my loving heavenly Father.
So, how is the enemy working against you? Are you successful in fighting the “good fight of faith?” If not…run to Jesus. Seriously! RUN. RUN to Jesus! There you’ll find help and hope and a fresh start.