Happy Valentine’s Day! To many, this is a Hallmark holiday…a great opportunity to sell greeting cards and to clear out inventories of stuffed animals, flowers, and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. For others, it is a day of pressure…pressure to get everything right. Face it…dating can involve a certain degree of pressure. Still, for others, Valentine’s Day is one more opportunity to simply express our undying devotion to the love of our lives.
Reflecting a bit on the occasion, I began to reminisce on
how Valentine’s Day has shifted for me over the years and then consider the
implication of that shift on the greatest of all love relationships.
In elementary school, Valentine’s Day was a class party day. Prior to the mid-February observance, teachers would distribute a list of names for all of the children in the class. Then mom would run to the store, purchase a box of colorful cards and we would write down names on each card and each envelope so that everyone received a gift.
As I got older, the list shrunk…significantly. While I don’t
recall ever doing so, it is possible that the list of Valentine’s greetings
dropped to only a couple of closer friends…in hopes that maybe one of them
would be my valentine for the day. (I imagine this to be the era of passing
notes that said, “Do you like me? Check YES or NO.”)
Once I found my Valentine (who has been so for more than thirty-five years now) the audience shrunk to one. She is it. Period. It even feels weird to wish others a happy Valentine’s day. I only have one…and while I have many names for her, Jodi is the one and only love for me.
Thinking of this today, I realized that there is an analogy as well for the Lord and His church. When we are “dating” God…He is a good option for the object of our faith. Still, though, there are other kids in the class. There is self-effort. There is personal commitment. There is that god that my neighbor relates to. We are familiar with all of these, perhaps like one better than the other, but we want to keep our options open; so, we give valentine cards to all of them. As we come to mature a bit, it becomes clear that a God is not an option for a prom date or a Valentine’s dinner. We either lock in on our devotion, or He simply moves aside. He never shares the throne room of our hearts with anyone else.
Often, this approach reveals itself in our relationship with our church community as well. We like to date several communities. We have one community for worship, another community for bible-study down the street, and a third community where our kids’ friends go. Each of these communities offers us something, and we like them, but none of them possess our whole heart.
Should they? Does God really expect that we would be
committed to One God, one church, and one person for our lives?
I would argue…YES. I would do so because there is an inherent benefit to both parties in a relationship. Yes, I may really like my group of friends that I meet for weekly bible study, but I don’t really do life with them. I do bible-study. For my corporate worship, I am dating another church. I support another church financially and, when I want to chill out in shorts and flops during the summer, I have a relationship with the online church or the group that meets nearby. In each of these cases, my good intentions seem helpful to me…but they still fall a bit short of the design of relationship…where there is a strong MUTUAL benefit.
Time will tell but the trends are already tipping this
direction: Our “dating” practice is actually shaping an eroding foundation of
commitment in the generation we are discipling. Yep. Our kids are learning that
dating is superior to devotion. Why have one committed relationship when we can
pick and choose the elements from several communities and form what we think is
best for us?
If our daughter announced to us this approach as her new
plan for personal relationships, we would be appalled. If our spouse exercised
this approach for emotional and physical intimacy, we would be destroyed; yet,
this is what we model for our most intimate of relationships…the eternal one!
Perhaps the erosion of faith convictions that we readily
point out around us has less to do with external pressures and far more to do
with loosely held commitments to spiritual monogamy.
Certainly, some hold in their heart a sense of wander. (Yes, wander, not wonder). There is a nagging sense that they may be missing out on the BEST by settling for what they presently POSSESS. Personally, I understand. I have seen this a lot through the years; however, the sense of wander has far less to do with what we might be missing and far more with what we are investing. See, spiritual monogamy (what I will prefer to call DEVOTION) is not boring or lacking. It is, at times, however, uncultivated. My satisfaction in relationships with my wife, my church, and my God have only grown exponentially since becoming EXCLUSIVE with them. That satisfaction has as much to do with what I bring to the relationship as it does with what I experience from the relationship.
How can we cultivate devotion in these three spheres?
Three words express the HOW To that is common with all three
spheres: our mate, our church, and our God.
COMMUNION. There is no substitute for intimacy and there is no pathway to intimacy apart from investing time. There must be vulnerability and transparency, and these only come as we learn to trust over time. Over the years I have seen this in my marriage, in the marriages that Jodi and I have invested in helping others, with church relationships, and with God. There is something that grows sweeter and deeper as we determine to get real, stay long, and risk hurt.
CONFESSION. In marriage, in church community, and with God…no one is perfect. We are failed creatures. We will say the wrong thing, neglect the important things, react wrongly, attack maliciously, and, at times, seek self preeminently. WHEN (not if) we do, the only cure is confession. Such occasions require our admission of failure, acknowledgment of the costs borne by others, and the pursuit of restoration. What NEVER WORKS, is to simply forget or to choose to start over. If the grass is greener somewhere else, there is simply a septic drain field underground nearby.
COMMITMENT. Neither of the previous two observations are possible without this final and all-important one. My wife would never have had the resolve to stick with my foolishness through the years without the commitment of June 25, 1988. On that day two kids pledged to actively love one another until death. We did not fully know the implications but we were committed to it and determined to figure it out as we went. The same is true with our relationship with God. He proposed…not with a ring but with a bloody cross (Romans 5:8). He invited us to commit and discover all that this new commitment implied in the context of an eternal relationship. Finally, the same is true of the church. Yep…the church. The Christian faith is a communal faith. We commit to community before we realize all of the faults and failures of everyone in the community. (Consequently, we do so before we disclose all of our stuff too). The commitment is made to one another and then we work out the implications together.
Well, Chris, I think I need to know more before I can make a commitment like that. Sure, I hear you. However, except for the finished work of Christ, there are no guarantees that you can perfectly “weigh out” the decision on. You won’t know who your spouse is until long after you marry him or her. In fact, if truth be told, you and your spouse won’t become who you are to be apart from the mutual influence and benefit of one another in your lives. Same with the church. And in some respects, the same with God. Yes, He is unchanging but you will change and in so doing, will come to recognize, appreciate, and love Him more deeply, passionately, intentionally, willfully, and fully as the years progress. None of this is even remotely possible in the dating zone.
So, stop dating and get devoted. Lock-in. Put a ring on it. Go exclusive and build something amazing…together.
In recent days I have shared about the power of routines/disciplines/habits. In many cases, routines are helpful (even if some might think them boring). Routines are simply tools that we employ to make sure that we accomplish those tasks most important to us.
Routines answer the question of “should I” when the drive to
do so is waning. Should I go to the gym today? Should I eat that? Should I
sleep through my alarm? Should I read my Bible today? Should I go to church
today? In these cases, the routine itself functions as a form of
accountability. However, this alone is insufficient for most of us, particularly
when we find ourselves in times of stress.
I promised a couple of days ago to share one of the most effective tools for finishing. If you really want to lose that ten pounds, run that half-marathon, or grow spiritually you truly need this tool. It can be embraced in a number of creative ways but without it…your chance of success drops by more than half. That tool is accountability.
We all resist accountability on some level. In fact, some people refuse to make a “new year’s resolution” because just writing it down provides some level of accountability. Instead, they just want to follow their feelings. Friend, my feelings lead me to raid the pantry at about 9 pm every night. My feelings order dessert. My feelings lead me to skip over the “Table of Nations” reading in Genesis or the genealogies in the Gospels. Feelings are terrible accountability partners.
Here’s a thought: If you are really going to grow spiritually this year, why not link up with 3-4 other men/women (I think gender-exclusive arrangements work best due to the way the Holy Spirit does His sanctifying work in our lives and because the similarities in thought processes among men and among women are pretty well established) and do it together? What we are talking about here is an agreement for 4-5 people to meet for 45 minutes to an hour a week, at a coffee shop, sandwich place, living room, dark alley (OK…maybe skip the dark alley) with an agenda of making sure everyone is staying true to the course?
If meeting together is tough due to schedules or geographic dispersion…FaceTime or group chats are good alternatives. One friend I know has set up a private Facebook Group with daily check-ins. While I think an in-person meeting is probably best, any of these alternatives are better than trying to hold yourself accountable to doing it alone.
Where do I find 3-4 others? I’d suggest asking 4 guys
in your small group (Connect Group) or that you know from another context who
are: (1) of like faith, (2) are reliable, and (3) have the same objective. In
my experience, many guys/gals are hungry for this kind of accountability and
connection; however, they are a little timid about the first step. Why not make
it easy for them and you take the initiative?
If you have other ideas on accountable partnerships like these I have described, I’d love to hear them. I’ll share more in the next post on how some of these groups have worked best for others. If you want to explore this further offline, just hit me up and we can chat.
What a cool (figuratively speaking of course) day with our church family at Englewood Baptist Church yesterday. With Summer coming to a close, we celebrated together with our Second Annual Tailgate Party on September 8, 2019. It was, as you might expect, “Eastern NC” HOTTTT!
One of the highlights of this special gathering is the opportunity to celebrate baptisms outside on the field together. Twenty-one people went “public” with their faith yesterday! I don’t say that to make much of Englewood or to create a comparison trap based on numbers; rather, each “number” had a story. We had young and old, white, black and brown, confident and timid…people from varying backgrounds…all step into the baptismal waters with a singular intent: To Make Much of Jesus!
I love baptisms for two primary reasons.:
First, it is a beautiful picture of the Kingdom and the heart of our King Jesus. No matter one’s background, age, politics, race, or any other cultural identity…all are welcome and all are ONE in the Kingdom.
Second, I love the stories of adversity. We had a man whom I had the privilege to lead to Christ days before brain surgery several months back…who came with his wife to be baptized yesterday. We had another man who only weeks ago had major neck surgery step forward to go public. Another church member who is a passionate evangelist and is extremely active in missions confessed that she had her baptism out of order and God convicted her. With tears, she went into the waters and came up from the waters beaming…knowing that she was now fully obedient! Another child with a terrible fear of water due to a trauma clung to my neck as she was baptized. This day was so important to her she was willing to face a terrible fear for no other reason than to make Jesus famous!
Reflecting on the privileges of the day, I was reminded that not everyone treats this precious ordinance with such significance. Just know though…Jesus did and does. When we obey Him, trust Him, follow Him and honor Him, the Gospel itself shouts from the waters of the baptismal pool… “Jesus Christ is Lord of all!”
I wonder how many others would say that they are absolutely certain that they have honored him in the same way as these precious twenty-one people did yesterday? If you cannot but want to, I would love the privilege to help you GO PUBLIC with your allegiance to the King of kings!
In my seminary days in New York, the beginning of each chapel included the singing of the alma mater.
To all the world for Jesus’ sake Where bodies hurt and sad hearts ache Lift high the cross, His love proclaim Mid-America bear His Name.
One thing I noticed, particularly in a school which was focused on training pastors and missionaries: everyone heard that calling through a filter. If you sensed the calling to foreign missions… “all the world” meant panta ta ethne (all the people groups of the world). If you knew that God had called you to local church ministry, it meant the unreached people in your city.
Regardless of one’s filter, the alma mater reminded us, regularly and consistently that we exist for the glory of God and are purposefully deployed in this world to proclaim Christ’s love for the broken and hurting. Our message is simple: “The Cross.”
In “the cross” we see the gravity of sin. In its day, the crucifixion was reserved as punishment for the highest of crimes and the worst of criminals. God’s view of our sin is not that of some little indiscretion but of a capital offense. Only a perfect God could hold such a view…since we, as sinners, are often seeking to minimize the offensiveness of sin. We turn “false witness” into a partial truth or “little lie” as if that were so. Ultimately though, it is the Judge’s judgment that stands, not the person on trial. Sin is horrendous.
In “the cross” we see the substitutionary sacrifice of God for us. He is both JUST (in His judgment of sin) and JUSTIFIER of man (because He assumed the punishment for our sin). His justification was not in response to some sense of merit in us, but according to His own good purpose and predetermined plan.
In “the cross” we find hope. No one is crucified twice. For those condemned (cursed) to die on a tree, once the penalty is paid, it is paid. In Christ’s vicarious (representative) atoning work, each person’s debt is settled.
In “the cross” we find the prescribed response. We look at the Innocent One who took our place, experienced the fullness of the cup of God’s wrath poured out on Him, and as it (the cross) is lifted high, we are called to look upon it. If we do, we feel conviction, shame, and unworthiness. As we hear Him call to us we are drawn. The acknowledgment of our sin and insufficiency of our efforts to atone for our sin are overshadowed by the gracious invitation to yield and KNOW eternal life.
A Man Called Intrepid: The Incredible True Story of the Master Spy Who Helped Win World War II, by William Stevenson (New York: SkyHorse Publishing, 2014), 645 pages, Kindle Edition.
“I’ll read that when I finish my doctoral studies.” I wish I
had a quarter for every time I made that statement over the last 3 plus years.
Well, this is one of those. I know it has been a while since I posted book
reviews on this site, but I do read and I do find reviews helpful, so if you
share any of those traits, here you go.
I am a fan of historical works, and of military biographies,
and even enjoy a little bit of spy-novel suspense…so this book seemed tailor
made for me.
This seems to be a well-researched, non-fiction, perspective
on WW II from the perspective of the then “new” perspective on the world of
intelligence, counter-intelligence, and guerilla warfare. As a soldier, I
thought I had a good handle on the cost of war and a basic idea of warfare
planning and considerations. Reading this book told me I am clueless on the big
picture. In fact, many places in the book left me feeling like a little child
standing in the library/study of a great leader/statesman, in awe of the
surroundings and sheepishly hoping to learn something from a crouched position
in the corner, too overwhelmed to speak.
The book surveys the advent of intelligence work as an
emerging tactic in war. From steaming open letters, to listening in to radio
traffic, to breaking the German code relied upon by Hitler and his forces
during the war, the author tells the tale of how Allied forces survived and ultimately
achieved victory against a determined enemy.
As a student of leadership, I found myself enthralled with
the burdens of leadership that Churchill and Roosevelt bore in daily duties and
was quite enthralled at the art of people intelligence employed in the shadows
to facilitate ultimate victory.
I find that people with limited knowledge of facts and
specifics have strong opinions of what they would and would not do in a given
situation. A few days into this read is certain to challenge someone to
reconsider all of that.
If this type of book is your “jam,” I highly recommend. It actually has peaked a new curiosity for me as it relates to Churchill, Roosevelt, and World War II.
As the sun rises this morning…it is 2019! What promise the day holds! It is a new day…a new chapter…in a new year.
When I woke up this morning, I was skinnier than when I went to bed…more spiritual…happier…more focused and determined…everything was perfect. No. Wait. That’s not right.
I woke up and was pretty much the same guy that went to bed…only with promise. See, when the sun set on 2018 it set the stage for a new day with new opportunities…a new promise. What a gift of grace!
Lamentations 3:22-23 remind us that the Lord’s mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!
Today is a beautiful picture of promise. Promise of new opportunities…and with them, new responsibilities.
One thing I have learned through the years is that life is a journey, not an event. We do not go to bed broken and wake up whole. We don’t fall asleep with bitterness in our hearts and awaken with love. Life is not a microwave. It is more like a crock pot. So, with that said, let me offer three things that I hope empower us and impress on us to make 2019 a memorable year of purpose.
3 Keys to maximizing 2019
Know that God doesn’t waste any experiences, even the difficult ones; rather, He uses them to shape you toward a prescribed outcome. Romans 8:28-30 reminds us of this truth. Your worst failure, rightly dealt with, can be as formative for you and useful for Kingdom purposes…as your greatest triumph.
Tomorrow is the product of choices made yesterday and today. If yesterday, you were a “bear” of a dad…stomping around the house and thundering away at your kids…and today you apologize, repent, and seek forgiveness from God and from them…tomorrow you’ll still not be “dad-of-the-year” (no matter how many new toys you buy them) but you will be a little further along in becoming the person God is shaping you to be. Stated differently, “reinventing yourself” doesn’t mean you suddenly become someone new, but it does mean that you make a choice to change something…and enough changes result in a reinvented you.
The power to make 2019 better/different/amazing is in your hands. You are not a victim of some cosmic, diabolical scheme of fate. You are not stuck where you are. You are, in one sense, at a crossroads. You can go left, right, or straight. (You can even sit still but someone will start honking at you soon). No one will push you through the intersection and no one is going to magically remove the intersection from your life. What YOU do next determines where you will be in the morning. So, don’t fall prey to the idea that you’re stuck. You are not. You are, however, responsible to make a choice today. So…make it; and, when you get to the next intersection in two hours, make another choice and act on it.
Today is a gift. Receive it as such. Do something with it! If you are wise, and if God “works all things together for good,” you will likely see the value is seeking what He desires for you to DO with today…and do that. I pray today meets all of your expectations!
Recent Comments