Patriotism. /n/ love for or devotion to one’s
country. (Webster)
I love the patriotic holidays. Honestly, I stand a little taller and my chest swells a little more when saluting the flag or during the playing of the National Anthem. I enjoy speaking of the greatness and even (if you will) the exceptionality of the United States.
I am moved when reentering the United States from travels abroad to hear welcome home from a Customs Agent. I become reflective and appreciative on remembrances like Veterans Day and Memorial Day because I recognize that the freedoms I enjoy today as a United States citizen have been declared, pursued, defended, and secured by other patriots through the ages.
I don’t have the same reaction when standing at attention
for the anthem of Mexico, Canada, France or the like. I stand respectfully…and
I understand why citizens of those nations stand taller during those moments
than I do, exhibiting the same response to their nation’s flag that I feel.
Honestly, I cannot imagine it any other way.
In my patriotism, I find common ground with other patriots:
Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, atheists and agnostics, Republicans, Democrats,
Independents, and even with budding socialists. After all, patriotism is simply
devotion to one’s country. I am not naïve. I know that not everyone shares my
specific ideals when the flag is displayed. Not everyone agrees with my views
on political policy. For every patriot though there is a sense of union even with
those who align in opposition on numerous subjects…a union around a single
shared and transcending tenet: we are lovingly devoted to our country.
For me, one of the greatest elements of the American experience is that there is no uniformity. I have a set of beliefs that I believe are right, a perspective that I believe is correct, and feelings that cry out with conviction without rival; however, I am glad that there are others who see it differently.
Some would say today, in our politically charged culture that the America I am loyal to and the one supported by people of differing political, racial, or social status are simply different “Americas.” I would disagree. It is the same America with a plethora of differing voices, differing desires and dreams, differing backgrounds and experiences, differing views of God, and differing perspectives on the rightful role of government; Each one, divinely endowed by the Creator with certain inalienable rights including the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I love that at the family table of the American experience, there are many seats, many perspectives, and many more opinions on a multiplicity of issues. I love that in view of (not in spite of) these distinctions, there is a singular anchor point that strengthens us in the assembled diversity…an anchor point of love and devotion to one’s country. That is what it means to be a patriot.
I challenge you on this fifth day of July…in light of our common patriotism, to live out your conviction of belief in a sea of diversity exhibiting the grace and patience of a holy God toward those also created in His image and seek unity…pressing in to the ideal that unity and uniformity are not synonymous but that unity acknowledges (and even appreciates) differences while clinging to a shared sense of patriotism—love for or devotion to one’s country.
Today, Jodi and I celebrate our 30-year Anniversary. It is an amazing thing to look back on three decades, two children…homes in six states and two countries…and various job and business pursuits. Two teenagers from Upstate South Carolina…in love…setting out on a course ‘til death we do part. After 30 years, let me say to you with some degree of experience…Love isn’t enough.
.
I know it seems like a weird thing to say. I love Jodi and she loves me…now more than ever before, BUT love isn’t enough. In our world today, we want to tap into some sentimental source of power that says love conquers all and if you love one another, nothing else matters. I am not certain we really believe that. After all, I am fond of living indoors and eating meals…especially eating. Love is important…and love INFORMS our actions…but love alone would not result in 3+ decades of marriage.
Here are twelve things that I think are essential…and perhaps this list will be a help to you as well:
A commitment to serve one another. A good marriage is about what you bring to the table, not what you want to get out of it. Christ is the example. There is no better servant than my wife…bar none…anywhere.
A humility that demands death to self-interest. This is related to serving but speaks more deeply to the motivation. Spouse > Self.
A commitment to Covenant. God designed marriage to “image” (though we do it imperfectly) His covenant commitment to His people. The promise we made in 1988 was to one another and to God. We have no right to quit on the promise.
Laugh…especially at yourself. Yep, life is too funny to be serious all the time. Laugh at yourself and with one another.
Don’t stop pursuing. We tell couples this all the time. Apathy is a killer in marriage. Be IN THE HUNT! Hey sir…if you know more about the patterns of deer on your game-cam or preferences of fish in your favorite fishin’ hole than you know about your wife…you’re doing it wrong.
Listen…a lot.
Say “I’m sorry” a lot…and forgive quickly. You blow it. She does too, but not nearly as frequently. Apologize immediately…and forgive as Christ forgave you.
Unmitigated respect. My wife is amazing at edification. She never exposes my deficiencies to her friends or others. She speaks well of me to others. If she has a complaint (and I give her tons of material), she brings it to me. We acknowledge that neither of us are perfect but we don’t lay out the laundry piece by piece. That honors me.
A common purpose. Pursue something together. Build to the future as a couple. Don’t run individual roads that occasionally cross. Choose a road together. Run in your lane but work it together and enjoy the victory together. This starts with your common faith pursuit but certainly doesn’t end there.
Think generations, not decades or years. Jodi and I are interested in how we can influence our grandchildren’s grandchildren.
Rehearse the journey and share the lessons. When we get to invest in other couples, we re-tell the stories of wins, losses, and lessons learned. Each time…my faith is strengthened.
Remind yourself and your spouse often, after God, she is NUMBER 1. She must not be forced to compete with hobbies, jobs, the kiddos or the phone. Anything that is a rival to her, must be forsaken.
How did you make it thirty years? Because God is gracious and Jodi is godly. If I had to depend on her love for me alone, I would never have made it through my childish Army days. The greater question is how will we make it the next thirty and the thirty after that if the Lord gives us that many days. One day at a time, loving passionately and intentionally…and trying to give attention to these things.
Five years ago, October 17, 2012, to be exact, Jodi and I faced one of those milestone moments in our marriage that you’d never ask for, hardly plan for, but would take nothing for it. After a few tests related to some minor but nagging health questions, I found myself relying on a surgeon’s training while trusting in a sovereign God as I underwent open heart surgery.
Just hours before, Jodi and I sat in the “cath lab” and got the news that I had a 95% blockage in the lower anterior artery to my heart. My cardiologist was prepared to put in a stint but the artery would not allow it. So, a 42-year-old man would not leave the hospital until meeting the surgeon.
Crisis points give you an opportunity that you may not consider otherwise, an opportunity to examine your faith, assess your life, and choose to walk together into the unknown…which is what faith actually is.
James 1:2 tells us to not look at our difficulties as punitive or destructive, but to think of them as God’s work at perfecting us. We believe that. So, together, we prayed, talked, prepared, and walked forward. God helped us with peace. He helped us with friends and church family who served us and prayed for us. He helped us with families that cared and served us. Mostly, God helped us by forcing us to walk through the difficulties.
Today, we have a stronger and more dynamic relationship with each other and with the Lord than we could ever have had otherwise. This was not our first test and will not likely be the last time our faith is challenged. But our faith is stronger, our testimony is broader and our peace is deeper than we could ever imagine.
Why tell you all this…today? Simply stated, days after the 2012 surgery, we asked a friend, Janey Frost, to shoot some pics for us to remember the season by.
A couple of weeks ago, we asked Janey to update those…five years later.
The pictures show the joy that we experience as a couple together…but they represent more than that for us. To Jodi and I, these pictures are like memorial stones erected beyond our Jordan to remind us of the unmerited faithfulness and goodness of God.
Thanks Janey for helping us stack stones.
Thank you @jodiaiken for walking through the fire with me. You make me better. You make me happy. You make me smile. I love you.
Today, Jodi and I celebrate our 30-year Anniversary. It is an amazing thing to look back on three decades, two children…homes in six states and two countries…and various job and business pursuits. Two teenagers from Upstate South Carolina…in love…setting out on a course ‘til death we do part. After 30 years, let me say to you with some degree of experience…Love isn’t enough.
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