Love Isn’t Enough…Reflecting on 30 years of Marriage

by | Jun 25, 2018 | discipleship, Faith, Marriage, pastor, Pastor's Reflections, Personal

Today, Jodi and I celebrate our 30-year Anniversary. It is an amazing thing to look back on three decades, two children…homes in six states and two countries…and various job and business pursuits. Two teenagers from Upstate South Carolina…in love…setting out on a course ‘til death we do part. After 30 years, let me say to you with some degree of experience…Love isn’t enough.

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I know it seems like a weird thing to say. I love Jodi and she loves me…now more than ever before, BUT love isn’t enough. In our world today, we want to tap into some sentimental source of power that says love conquers all and if you love one another, nothing else matters. I am not certain we really believe that. After all, I am fond of living indoors and eating meals…especially eating. Love is important…and love INFORMS our actions…but love alone would not result in 3+ decades of marriage.

 

 

 

Here are twelve things that I think are essential…and perhaps this list will be a help to you as well:

  • A commitment to serve one another. A good marriage is about what you bring to the table, not what you want to get out of it. Christ is the example. There is no better servant than my wife…bar none…anywhere.
  • A humility that demands death to self-interest. This is related to serving but speaks more deeply to the motivation. Spouse > Self.
  • A commitment to Covenant. God designed marriage to “image” (though we do it imperfectly) His covenant commitment to His people. The promise we made in 1988 was to one another and to God. We have no right to quit on the promise.
  • Laugh…especially at yourself. Yep, life is too funny to be serious all the time. Laugh at yourself and with one another.
  • Don’t stop pursuing. We tell couples this all the time. Apathy is a killer in marriage. Be IN THE HUNT! Hey sir…if you know more about the patterns of deer on your game-cam or preferences of fish in your favorite fishin’ hole than you know about your wife…you’re doing it wrong.
  • Listen…a lot.
  • Say “I’m sorry” a lot…and forgive quickly. You blow it. She does too, but not nearly as frequently. Apologize immediately…and forgive as Christ forgave you.
  • Unmitigated respect. My wife is amazing at edification. She never exposes my deficiencies to her friends or others. She speaks well of me to others. If she has a complaint (and I give her tons of material), she brings it to me. We acknowledge that neither of us are perfect but we don’t lay out the laundry piece by piece. That honors me.
  • A common purpose. Pursue something together. Build to the future as a couple. Don’t run individual roads that occasionally cross. Choose a road together. Run in your lane but work it together and enjoy the victory together. This starts with your common faith pursuit but certainly doesn’t end there.
  • Think generations, not decades or years. Jodi and I are interested in how we can influence our grandchildren’s grandchildren.
  • Rehearse the journey and share the lessons. When we get to invest in other couples, we re-tell the stories of wins, losses, and lessons learned. Each time…my faith is strengthened.
  • Remind yourself and your spouse often, after God, she is NUMBER 1. She must not be forced to compete with hobbies, jobs, the kiddos or the phone. Anything that is a rival to her, must be forsaken.

How did you make it thirty years? Because God is gracious and Jodi is godly. If I had to depend on her love for me alone, I would never have made it through my childish Army days. The greater question is how will we make it the next thirty and the thirty after that if the Lord gives us that many days. One day at a time, loving passionately and intentionally…and trying to give attention to these things.

Don’t Trust Your Eyes…Grab a Tape

by | Jun 19, 2018 | discipleship, pastor, Pastor's Reflections

It is funny to me how the simplest things in life are often the way the Lord chooses to remind me of profound truths. Moving into a new home means several things…including fatigue, lots of boxes shuffled from here to there, plenty of time unwrapping “stuff” and the hanging of the pictures.
One thing about hanging pictures…you learn quickly that your eyes are not calibrated like, for instance, a tape measure and a level. What “looks right” to me may be slightly or dramatically off…depending on my perspective.
For instance, the closer you are to the picture you’re hanging, the worse your perspective of the room is. You can’t really tell how the picture fits in the overall presentation of the room when you are holding it. Further, what looks like it is centered on a wall be way off when you step back a little…or better…when you measure it against the tape.
Just as our vision and perspective can be skewed when we are too close to a matter, our assessment of truth, morality, holiness, and righteous conduct can be skewed. We often look at ourselves with what researchers call a “halo effect.” In other words, we think more highly of ourselves than we ought (See Romans 12:2-3).  We cannot see our sin as clearly because we are in the midst of it. Others, however, may see it as they observe us because they are not so close to the sin to miss it. Still, this is not the best measure since every person’s perspective is a little tainted by our sin nature. The best measure…the Word of God and the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Before you declare your own righteousness, grab the tape (I mean the Bible). How so your love? Joy? Peace? Gentleness? (see Galatians 5). Who was the last person you shared the gospel with? ( See Mark 16:15). Who are you personally investing in as a disciple of Jesus? (Matthew 28:19-20). How is your soul condition? (See Jeremiah 17:9).
One thing I have experienced time and again when I trusted the Lord to pull a tape and measure my life: He is always faithful to give a true measure, to direct me which way I needed to move to come to center and to never be frustrated with me when I needed to start again.
Have a great day…and grab a tape!

Why I Ask You to Stand…

by | Jun 13, 2018 | church, Leadership, pastor, Pastor's Reflections

This week, I was privileged to preach at my new church. I had done so once before as part of the search process, but this week my pastor was away and the responsibility of the morning message fell to me. As has become a customary practice of mine, I invited the congregation to stand with me “in honor of the reading of the Word of God and in a tangible acknowledgment of its authority in our lives.”
I have not always had this practice. Along the way, I became stirred to begin the practice after studying texts like this PASSAGE from the Book of Nehemiah.
“And all the people gathered as one man at the square which was in front of the Water Gate, and they [a]asked Ezra the scribe to bring the book of the law of Moses which the Lord had [b]given to Israel…5 Ezra opened the book in the sight of all the people for he was standing above all the people; and when he opened it, all the people stood up.6 Then Ezra blessed the Lord the great God. And all the people answered, “Amen, Amen!” while lifting up their hands; then they bowed low and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground. (Nehemiah 8:1,5-6, NASB). 
3 Reasons:
  • It REMINDS ME of Authority. By standing, I am acknowledging that something or Someone more important than me is speaking.
  • It is a sign of honor. When judges enter a courtroom, “All Rise” is heard from the bailiff and everyone is expected to stand. When the President of the United States enters a room, the people stand.
  • The change of posture prepares me. When I pray, I bow my head and close my eyes. This is not required but my posture reminds me that I am submissive in that moment. I am responding to or seeking something from One who is greater…not lesser (like my servant) or an equal (a high school buddy). By standing for the public reading of Scripture, I am preparing to hear something significant.
In the age we live in, where everyone has a blog or social media following, and the role of personal opinions is often elevated to a supreme place of authority…let me offer a couple of caveats.
  • Standing for Scripture reading when I preach is a personal practice…not a biblical demand. If I am in a service where this is not the customary practice, I’ll likely not make an issue of it to stand while everyone else is sitting. Doing so may inadvertently turn the attention toward me and away from the Word…precisely the opposite of my heart’s desire.
  • My convictions should not necessarily be every other preacher’s convictions. Each man stands before his Master and gives an account for what his Master has required of him…not what the Master requires of another.
  • Finally, I recognize that the practice could become a point of challenge for people with different religious backgrounds. I remember a conversation once with Dave. He has been part of the Catholic church at a point in his life and had a bad experience. He really struggled with any practice (like the liturgical call to stand, kneel, or participate in responsive reading) that reminded him of that experience. Like the Apostle Paul, I would never want to create an unnecessary stumbling block to the faith. If eating meat causes a brother to stumble, I’d choose to be a vegetarian for the cause of Christ. Anything else is unloving. (See Romans 14:1-15:7).
So that is the why of one of my “odd” practices. Be well! I’d love to hear your thoughts if you have some for or against my practice or logic…

Hold onto your WHY…

by | May 22, 2018 | church, discipleship, evangelism, Pastor's Reflections

Eighteen years ago, a pastor friend, Herb Flavell, gave me a “pro tip” for ministry. He as a dear brother to me…being one of the first pastors to entrust his pulpit to me and the first to allow me to baptize in his baptistry. Herb told me to write down the names in my Bible of each person God allowed me to win to Christ. “Whether through personal evangelism or through my preaching,” he said, “write down everyone. When the devil starts giving you a fit one day…telling you that God can’t use you, just read the names back to him and watch him run.”

I did that for years. Then it was videos of baptism testimonies. Whatever the form…everyone needs to remember why they get out of bed in the morning and “do the work.” Now I know that man doesn’t save anyone…but God chooses through the preaching of the gospel to save those who believe (1 Cor 1:21, 15:1-2).

Resistance and spiritual warfare are non-negotiable. Victory over them is. If you don’t know your WHY, you’ll likely give up on the WHAT of your life and resign to some mere existence while you wait to die.

Victor Frankl, author of the renowned book, Man’s Search for Meaning, was a Jewish Professor of Neurology and Psychiatry. Frankl was imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps during WW II. He made the observation during the terrible atrocities of the camps…that man can endure nearly any “how” of life, as long as he has a “why.”

Perhaps we would do well to stop talking about WHAT we are doing, or HOW we are doing it and focus on explaining WHY we do what we do.

What is your WHY? Why do you work? Why do you go to church? Why do you serve, or give, or go?

Through the years, Pastor Herb’s “pro tip” has been used by the Lord to carry me through some dark periods. Why? Because the WHY is worth holding onto…

Lost sheep: Backslidden or Unregenerate

by | Apr 3, 2018 | church, discipleship, Faith, Pastor's Reflections

In recent months, I preached through Luke 15 and the parable Jesus tells about the value of finding the lost. It is a single parable with several “movements” or sub-texts in the story. He deals with a lost sheep, a lost, coin, a lost son in the far-country and even a lost son in the field.

I am so grateful for students of the Word that ask questions about the text. One such question came up during the series and it speaks to an important consideration: Was the lost sheep really “lost” (in the sense that he represents an unbeliever) or was he “backslidden” (a genuine part of the flock that had wandered away?) This post provides, in part, my answer to the question, because I think it is important for all believers to consider…

Thanks for your question…regarding whether the sheep, coin, and son could have been saved and backslidden. While the text doesn’t use that term or even communicate the idea directly, it is not a stretch to draw the conclusion based on the analogies of the pictures in the Parable. Remember, of course, that parables, metaphors, and analogies can only go so far and actually fall apart if pressed too far. For instance, God is not a woman nor would He ever be careless to lose anything of value, particularly a soul. That would never fit with any other part of our theology. People are also not dumb, soulless animals either. While the Bible uses the sheep and shepherd imagery a good bit, the analogy breaks down if we push it too far…unless we hold that sheep can make a moral decision to be saved.

All that being said, I would not be offended if I heard someone preach on the text from the angle that the coin and sheep were backslidden. I don’t think that is the best understanding of course, but it is tenable. Here are a couple of things that I think would inform my thoughts on why it speaks of lostness rather than a backslidden state:

  • The real issue in the text is the disapproval the religious elites showed toward Jesus for receiving tax collectors and sinners. I don’t know anyone who would argue that they (tax collectors and sinners) are saved and backslidden.
  • Jesus is addressing the religious attitudes and saying that while they are offended at the sinners, heaven celebrates when a sinner repents. I think the clearest implication is that the sinner is becoming a believer, not being restored in fellowship.
  • The work of the owner who is going out to find that which is lost is the same whether that lost one is saved and backslidden, or altogether lost. To demand that it mustbe the former creates a slippery theological slope (in my opinion), leading some to conclude that everyone (even those who bear no genuine marks of a converted life) is “right” with God, even those who live like unregenerate tax collectors and sinners…and will ultimately be in heaven even if they acted like lost people all of their lives. For me, this view would seem to blunt the edge of the evangelistic commission.
  • The celebration of the person coming to faith or the celebration of a restored prodigal (or perhaps even a better picture viewed through the elder brother) would seem to be the same…at least to me.

So, if the work is the same, and the celebration/attitude is the same, AND if Jesus is addressing bad attitudes of the religious elite toward sinners and tax-collectors, I think the most logical conclusion is that the items lost represent the unregenerate, not just the backslidden; however, there is not enough meat in the analogy to be dogmatic for that position and certainly not for the position that they are definitely backslidden.

I find a great deal of comfort and peace in the fact that the responsibility to determine is someone is backslidden, unregenerate, or even if a person is saved…does not rest with me. God knows the conditions of a man’s heart. God alone is able to judge, so I must be cautious not to demand that a person is saved or lost based on their actions. I am called to be a fruit inspector though…to be discerning…and to act faithfully toward those with fruit (encouraging, sharpening and rejoicing with them), as well as toward those without fruit (calling them to come to Christ). The work is the same! As disciples and disciple-makers, our “job” is to focus on fruit…for it is in the bearing of fruit that God is glorified (John 15:5,8).

Considerations for the Day:

  1. How is the “fruit” in your own life? Could someone make the case for your faith in Christ by pointing to your calendar…your wallet…your words…your work ethic…your attitude…your concern for others…your passion for God?
  2. How sensitive are you to the fruit of others? When you see a fruitless fig tree…do you walk by or do you address it? Does it matter if that person has a Bible on their car seat or a Koran? Isn’t the grace of God sufficient for both? Isn’t our humble posture the same with both? Isn’t our emphatic and empathetic plea the same with both…draw near to Christ?

Babies…and the Bible

by | Mar 8, 2018 | Devotions, discipleship, pastor, Pastor's Reflections

It has been a few seasons now, but I remember the transition of our family from no kids to having children. Sure, sleeplessness increased as did the grocery bill. Sure, laughter increased, but so did the tears. Another thing that changed was…EVERYTHING! We could not go to the store or out to eat without packing 3 days of potential supplies into the car. We arranged our schedules around feedings and naps. We changed our own personal habits…and even altered how loud we talked around how it would affect the baby.

Yes, a baby changes everything! Now exchange the baby for God’s instruction through his Word.

Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You. Psalm 119:11, NASB. You may have a translation that renders this verse as I “have hidden,” (NIV, NLT, NKJV) or “stored up” (ESV). The semantic range of the Hebrew word supports all of these renderings, but the sense of the usage relates to more than merely storing something away or hiding it from sight, but of placing it under lock and key as you would your most precious jewels or family heirlooms. As David communicates this truth of “hiding God’s word” he is emphasizing the value he places on it and how he aligns his life around it.

We often speak of Psalm 119:11 when making the case for Scripture memorization. Memorize Scripture…hide it in your heart! Yes…but let’s not be misled into thinking that memorizing Scripture is the same as treasuring it. The Pharisees who were nearly universally in Jesus’ crosshairs could recite books of the Pentateuch (first five books of the Bible)…but they missed the Messiah…not because they did not memorize Scripture, but because they did not treasure it.

David communicates throughout Psalm 119 that the Word of the Lord influenced his actions in every regard. David depended on God’s Word for wisdom, comfort, encouragement, restraint, and knowing the course of every step in His life. He did not simply memorize a verse or a book of verses, but he considered them and meditated on them and aligned his life around them. He treasured the word from the Lord.

Many years ago, our oldest son attended a Christian school and was required to memorize Scripture. He came home with a long passage which he had been working on and the head of the school required that it be memorized in an older translation. After Dillon recited it to me, I asked him to simply tell me what it meant. He was clueless. We immediately found him a different translation and focused our reinforcement on explaining the verses to the point of understanding. We did not stop memorizing Scripture, but we made sure that the goal was understanding what we memorized so we could treasure the Word.

Someone said, “We (today’s Christians in churches) know far more than we apply.” To our shame…I must agree.

Here’s today’s question: How does your knowledge of God’s Word affect your parenting, your web-surfing practices, your work ethic, your view of and actions toward the poor, your approach to disagreement and conflict resolution, and your making of disciples?

What we treasure changes us. It changes our actions. O Lord, Your word have treasured in my heart that I may not sin against you.