Love Isn’t Enough…Reflecting on 30 years of Marriage

by | Jun 25, 2018 | discipleship, Faith, Marriage, pastor, Pastor's Reflections, Personal

Today, Jodi and I celebrate our 30-year Anniversary. It is an amazing thing to look back on three decades, two children…homes in six states and two countries…and various job and business pursuits. Two teenagers from Upstate South Carolina…in love…setting out on a course ‘til death we do part. After 30 years, let me say to you with some degree of experience…Love isn’t enough.

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I know it seems like a weird thing to say. I love Jodi and she loves me…now more than ever before, BUT love isn’t enough. In our world today, we want to tap into some sentimental source of power that says love conquers all and if you love one another, nothing else matters. I am not certain we really believe that. After all, I am fond of living indoors and eating meals…especially eating. Love is important…and love INFORMS our actions…but love alone would not result in 3+ decades of marriage.

 

 

 

Here are twelve things that I think are essential…and perhaps this list will be a help to you as well:

  • A commitment to serve one another. A good marriage is about what you bring to the table, not what you want to get out of it. Christ is the example. There is no better servant than my wife…bar none…anywhere.
  • A humility that demands death to self-interest. This is related to serving but speaks more deeply to the motivation. Spouse > Self.
  • A commitment to Covenant. God designed marriage to “image” (though we do it imperfectly) His covenant commitment to His people. The promise we made in 1988 was to one another and to God. We have no right to quit on the promise.
  • Laugh…especially at yourself. Yep, life is too funny to be serious all the time. Laugh at yourself and with one another.
  • Don’t stop pursuing. We tell couples this all the time. Apathy is a killer in marriage. Be IN THE HUNT! Hey sir…if you know more about the patterns of deer on your game-cam or preferences of fish in your favorite fishin’ hole than you know about your wife…you’re doing it wrong.
  • Listen…a lot.
  • Say “I’m sorry” a lot…and forgive quickly. You blow it. She does too, but not nearly as frequently. Apologize immediately…and forgive as Christ forgave you.
  • Unmitigated respect. My wife is amazing at edification. She never exposes my deficiencies to her friends or others. She speaks well of me to others. If she has a complaint (and I give her tons of material), she brings it to me. We acknowledge that neither of us are perfect but we don’t lay out the laundry piece by piece. That honors me.
  • A common purpose. Pursue something together. Build to the future as a couple. Don’t run individual roads that occasionally cross. Choose a road together. Run in your lane but work it together and enjoy the victory together. This starts with your common faith pursuit but certainly doesn’t end there.
  • Think generations, not decades or years. Jodi and I are interested in how we can influence our grandchildren’s grandchildren.
  • Rehearse the journey and share the lessons. When we get to invest in other couples, we re-tell the stories of wins, losses, and lessons learned. Each time…my faith is strengthened.
  • Remind yourself and your spouse often, after God, she is NUMBER 1. She must not be forced to compete with hobbies, jobs, the kiddos or the phone. Anything that is a rival to her, must be forsaken.

How did you make it thirty years? Because God is gracious and Jodi is godly. If I had to depend on her love for me alone, I would never have made it through my childish Army days. The greater question is how will we make it the next thirty and the thirty after that if the Lord gives us that many days. One day at a time, loving passionately and intentionally…and trying to give attention to these things.

Don’t Trust Your Eyes…Grab a Tape

by | Jun 19, 2018 | discipleship, pastor, Pastor's Reflections

It is funny to me how the simplest things in life are often the way the Lord chooses to remind me of profound truths. Moving into a new home means several things…including fatigue, lots of boxes shuffled from here to there, plenty of time unwrapping “stuff” and the hanging of the pictures.
One thing about hanging pictures…you learn quickly that your eyes are not calibrated like, for instance, a tape measure and a level. What “looks right” to me may be slightly or dramatically off…depending on my perspective.
For instance, the closer you are to the picture you’re hanging, the worse your perspective of the room is. You can’t really tell how the picture fits in the overall presentation of the room when you are holding it. Further, what looks like it is centered on a wall be way off when you step back a little…or better…when you measure it against the tape.
Just as our vision and perspective can be skewed when we are too close to a matter, our assessment of truth, morality, holiness, and righteous conduct can be skewed. We often look at ourselves with what researchers call a “halo effect.” In other words, we think more highly of ourselves than we ought (See Romans 12:2-3).  We cannot see our sin as clearly because we are in the midst of it. Others, however, may see it as they observe us because they are not so close to the sin to miss it. Still, this is not the best measure since every person’s perspective is a little tainted by our sin nature. The best measure…the Word of God and the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Before you declare your own righteousness, grab the tape (I mean the Bible). How so your love? Joy? Peace? Gentleness? (see Galatians 5). Who was the last person you shared the gospel with? ( See Mark 16:15). Who are you personally investing in as a disciple of Jesus? (Matthew 28:19-20). How is your soul condition? (See Jeremiah 17:9).
One thing I have experienced time and again when I trusted the Lord to pull a tape and measure my life: He is always faithful to give a true measure, to direct me which way I needed to move to come to center and to never be frustrated with me when I needed to start again.
Have a great day…and grab a tape!

Why I Ask You to Stand…

by | Jun 13, 2018 | church, Leadership, pastor, Pastor's Reflections

This week, I was privileged to preach at my new church. I had done so once before as part of the search process, but this week my pastor was away and the responsibility of the morning message fell to me. As has become a customary practice of mine, I invited the congregation to stand with me “in honor of the reading of the Word of God and in a tangible acknowledgment of its authority in our lives.”
I have not always had this practice. Along the way, I became stirred to begin the practice after studying texts like this PASSAGE from the Book of Nehemiah.
“And all the people gathered as one man at the square which was in front of the Water Gate, and they [a]asked Ezra the scribe to bring the book of the law of Moses which the Lord had [b]given to Israel…5 Ezra opened the book in the sight of all the people for he was standing above all the people; and when he opened it, all the people stood up.6 Then Ezra blessed the Lord the great God. And all the people answered, “Amen, Amen!” while lifting up their hands; then they bowed low and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground. (Nehemiah 8:1,5-6, NASB). 
3 Reasons:
  • It REMINDS ME of Authority. By standing, I am acknowledging that something or Someone more important than me is speaking.
  • It is a sign of honor. When judges enter a courtroom, “All Rise” is heard from the bailiff and everyone is expected to stand. When the President of the United States enters a room, the people stand.
  • The change of posture prepares me. When I pray, I bow my head and close my eyes. This is not required but my posture reminds me that I am submissive in that moment. I am responding to or seeking something from One who is greater…not lesser (like my servant) or an equal (a high school buddy). By standing for the public reading of Scripture, I am preparing to hear something significant.
In the age we live in, where everyone has a blog or social media following, and the role of personal opinions is often elevated to a supreme place of authority…let me offer a couple of caveats.
  • Standing for Scripture reading when I preach is a personal practice…not a biblical demand. If I am in a service where this is not the customary practice, I’ll likely not make an issue of it to stand while everyone else is sitting. Doing so may inadvertently turn the attention toward me and away from the Word…precisely the opposite of my heart’s desire.
  • My convictions should not necessarily be every other preacher’s convictions. Each man stands before his Master and gives an account for what his Master has required of him…not what the Master requires of another.
  • Finally, I recognize that the practice could become a point of challenge for people with different religious backgrounds. I remember a conversation once with Dave. He has been part of the Catholic church at a point in his life and had a bad experience. He really struggled with any practice (like the liturgical call to stand, kneel, or participate in responsive reading) that reminded him of that experience. Like the Apostle Paul, I would never want to create an unnecessary stumbling block to the faith. If eating meat causes a brother to stumble, I’d choose to be a vegetarian for the cause of Christ. Anything else is unloving. (See Romans 14:1-15:7).
So that is the why of one of my “odd” practices. Be well! I’d love to hear your thoughts if you have some for or against my practice or logic…

Pivotal Moments

by | May 16, 2018 | discipleship, evangelism, Leadership, missional, pastor

It is graduation season. It is an anxious time for many as seasons of life change. It is also a critical time for those who minister.

I have told several people the past few weeks that, statistically speaking, our church’s most effective outreach (if you measure success by connecting people into a long-term discipleship relationship IN THE CHURCH) has traditionally been our hosting of baccalaureate services for two local high schools. Every year (for the last nine years or so) we have several hundred people come to the church for a one-hour program as I share a message of encouragement to students making the transition away from high school. Invariably, over the next 1-3 years, one or two of those families will connect with the church. When I ask them how they came to visit our church, they tell me that they came to a baccalaureate service and enjoyed it.

Why is this service to the community so valuable? I think it is because of Pivotal Moments.

In John 4, Jesus spoke to a woman of Samaria who was the “talk of the town.” She had been married five times and now was living with another man. The gossip circles were so busy about her…that she didn’t even come to the well until the most brutal part of the day…long after all the other women had come and gone. She’d rather face the heat than their judgmental looks and deafening whispers. One day, she came and met Jesus who was waiting. He connected the story of God’s love and man’s purpose to her circumstances at a pivotal moment. She was ready. She wasn’t expecting a sermon or even to converse with anyone…much less someone claiming to have access to living water and who knew her reputation but talked with her anyway. Pivotal Moments.

Or there was the time when Pastor Timothy was frustrated and wrestling with his faith. Ministry had seemed to take its toll and his spiritual mentor…the Apostle Paul…spoke into his circumstance (2 Timothy 1) by way of a letter, encouraging him to remember who he was, where he had come from, and how God had called him. Pivotal Moments.

These two examples (along with dozens more if time permitted) remind us that God prepares hearts through pivotal moments to receive truth. Wise disciples are on the lookout for these moments because they are solid gold.

LAST STORY: Yesterday, I was running on a tight schedule between meetings and stopped by a shop to drop off a couple items. I didn’t have time to be there but was very intentional to fit the drop by in. While inside, a woman asked me to follow her to the back of the shop. When I did, she shared with me that her mom (a Christian) died six months ago and that she was vexed in her heart on how the resurrection worked. She didn’t want to talk out front because her co-workers were not believers. Pivotal Moments. So, we spent 10 minutes talking about what the Scriptures teach about death, the Resurrection, and why we can have hope of reunion if we follow Christ. [I had never met this woman before…but I recognized a pivotal moment had presented itself].

Friend, if you are a follower of Christ, He created you for such moments as these. This woman assumed that I must be spiritual since I was wearing a shirt with the church name. (I’m not sure I ever told her I was the pastor). Parents and students at baccalaureate services are tender for God’s wisdom at this transition in seasons. That woman whose husband has distanced himself, the man who is struggling to put food on the table, and the young lady in the hospital are all tender…and God placed you there to speak truth at a Pivotal Moment. Don’t miss it. Make the most of the opportunity. Pray for the opportunity. Serve during the opportunity. Represent Him.

Grace and Peace.

When pastors leave…

by | Apr 24, 2018 | discipleship, Leadership, pastor, Uncategorized

It was devastating…or at least felt like it to some. Pastor Michael announced his resignation and within a few weeks, was gone. Lots of tears were shed and conversations over coffee, across desks, or in the hallways took place. At the root… “What does it mean when a pastor leaves?”

For good or bad, my worldview on this was shaped early on in my days in the military. P.C.S. (Permanent Change of Station) orders were cause for rejoicing or regret. Soldiers, back then, rarely stayed at a station more than three years or so. That is barely time to make solid friendships or get involved in a community. Even church was difficult since everyone already there knew you would be gone soon, so friendships rarely went very deep. When orders came though…they were accepted. After all…they were orders.

Ministry works the same way. Every pastor works ultimately for Jesus. For that matter…every believer works for Jesus! Any pastor worthy of the calling is quick to salute when orders are received. It still makes the transition tough…but orders are…well…orders.

So, thinking on this today in light of the upcoming change of assignment for Jodi and me, here are seven things that a pastor’s leaving IS or IS NOT:

  • A pastor’s leaving IS NOT a statement that he doesn’t love you. He does love you with the love of Jesus. Imperfectly at times but the love of Christ nonetheless.
  • A pastor’s leaving IS NOT evidence that the congregation did something wrong.
  • A pastor’s leaving IS NOT evidence that he is “chasing success.”
  • A pastor’s leaving IS NOT a reason to also leave. There are times to leave a church, but this, in itself, IS NOT one of those times.
  • A pastor’s leaving IS difficult on him because he has built friendships and relationships with people. He has earned (in many cases) the credibility to lead the people. When he leaves…he starts over at a new place with new people. It is, of course difficult on others in the congregation as well.
  • A pastor’s leaving IS difficult on his family. Friendships (which are premium in a ministry context) change and new friends must be sought.
  • A pastor’s leaving IS an opportunity to rise up and lead. New leadership surfaces in the absence of other leaders. It is a chance for others to grow spiritually and practically in ministry. It is an opportunity to revisit the church’s core values and re-vision those values to others.

So, as for me…my heart is sore these days because it will be more difficult to grab coffee with a friend across the miles; At the same time, there is excitement about the new adventure ahead and the opportunity to meet, serve, and lead others…all because…orders are orders.

Striking when you should be Speaking…

by | Apr 9, 2018 | Devotions, discipleship, Leadership, pastor

Numbers 20 contains a glorious and dreadful account of Moses’ leadership. It is dreadful (from man’s perspective) because an error in leadership cost Moses greatly. It is glorious because God is exalted above all people and all things.

It is not good enough to simply do the tasks that the Lord commands or the tasks of the hour, but each thing must be done precisely as God prescribes.

The people were grumbling (which is not unusual or odd given the historical record) and God appears at the doorway to the Tent of Meeting, instructing Moses and Aaron what to do. (Num 20:6-7). Moses “mostly” obeys but something is off.

Num 20:10… “Listen now you rebels; shall we (Moses and Aaron) bring forth water out of this rock?” This statement reminds me of James and John asking Jesus, “Do you want us to bring down fire from heaven and consume these enemies?” (Luke 9:54). [SIDENOTE: I have often wondered, “What would have happened if Jesus had said, ‘Sure fellas! If you can do it, go for it!’” I imagine it would have been a humbling experience for James and John.]

In Num 20:11, God responds even to Moses’ rebellion in striking the rock twice rather than speaking to it. God proceeds to meet the needs of the people despite the rebellion of leadership, but what happens next is sobering.

Num 20:12, states: But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you have not believed Me, to treat Me as holy in the sight of the sons of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land which I have given them.” God ties Moses’ actions to two key themes. His disobedience was rooted in a false or deficient belief. “Because you have not believed Me…” is the root. We must recognize that to believe God is to hear from Him and to act on what we hear in obedience. It is not merely intellectual assent, but humble obedience. Second, God declares that Moses’ actions treated God as unholy. “because you have not believed me to treat me as holy in the sight of the sons of Israel…” Moses’ actions, either according to his own wisdom, self-assurance, emotional outburst, or whatever the reason, reduced Almighty God to a voice of a counselor rather than Sovereign Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer. In essence, Moses’ act elevated him in the sight of the people which necessarily meant that God was lowered down by the actions.

As a consequence, Moses would not tread on the land of promise. He would see the land because God is gracious (Deut 34), but he would not fulfill his calling to lead the people to the land (Num 20:12).

Num 20:13 states that God, in His sovereign and righteous actions, proved Himself holy among the people, including Moses and Aaron.

APPLIED: I wonder how often we hear from the Lord HOW we are to act in a given situation and then TWEAK our response a bit according to motives other than precise and perfect obedience.

  • Do we know that this is rebellion against God?
  • Do we acknowledge that such actions are an affront to Him and an assault on His holiness?
  • Do we agree with God that our actions are equivalent to throwing red paint against the canvas of His great Name as He reveals Himself as the world’s most highly acclaimed masterpiece?
  • Do we realize the consequences of such rebellion…that we forsake a degree of our usefulness to God and effectiveness in God’s plan? Our willfulness and rebellion against God’s rule and reign is SO SEVERE, that only the substitutionary death of His own Son is capable of settling the debt and preserving our hope in eternity.

We must not continue in rebellion, but willfully choose precise obedience, for anything else is to defame the Lord and steal the glory that rightfully belongs to Him alone.