by chrisaiken | Apr 14, 2020 | discipleship, Leadership, parenting, Pastor's Reflections
These days of social distancing have been equal parts of testing and encouragement for me. I love seeing how the body of Christ rises up to serve their neighbors. I love seeing pictures of families playing games together, doing schoolwork together, and studying the bible together. I love seeing families freed from the stresses of incessant commitments to dance, sports, events, and travel. I love seeing parents breathe.
How about you? Do you long for the days of jamming your schedule full of extracurricular activities again? Don’t get me wrong! I love sports and love watching parents cheer on their gymnasts, future ballerinas, and the like. I think all of these things are good; I just think that living with some intentional margin could be beneficial for us all as well.
In these days, many of us have been given a gift. We have the opportunity to restart. We can begin again. There is no need to rush right out and rebuild everything as it was before. What if we, instead, planted some intentional markers in our lives…boundary stones if you will, that became immovable points that we built our lives around?
For instance:
- If family dinner has been amazing and fruitful, why not make family dinner 2, 3 or 5 times per week a fixed boundary stone?
- If daily exercise, or morning quiet time has been fruitful, why not make it a fixed boundary stone?
- If working together on memory verses or a family bible study has been fruitful, why not make it a boundary stone?
- If shutting off email and rolling all phone calls to voicemail after 6 pm has been fruitful, why not make it a boundary stone?
You may ask, “What good is a boundary stone?”
Long after the COVID-19 pandemic is over, there will be opportunities to join a new bowling league. If it interferes with family dinners, then your decision has already been made—it violates a boundary stone, so it is not a good fit for you. If you are offered a promotion that requires you to work deep into the night returning calls and emails, then the decision is already made because you erected a boundary stone.
If you are like me, you did not plan to be as busy as you were. You always intended more family time. You always wanted to prioritize your faith walk, your rest, and your physical health. You simply added a few little things periodically until there was no longer margin.
My personal goal and pastoral prayer is that we learn from our past and lean on this corrective season. How about you? How will you change your lifestyle moving forward after the pandemic has cleared and life begins to accelerate? I pray that your boundary stones will serve you well.
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by chrisaiken | Aug 7, 2018 | church, Devotions, discipleship, Leadership, parenting, Pastor's Reflections
In my morning reading from 1 Thessalonians (I said Thessalupians in my head…and if you are a Veggie Tales fan, you know why), I was captivated by the description Paul used to describe his ministry approach among this people: But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. (1 Thess 2:7). In this description Paul displayed his ministry approach as a contradiction of sorts to the experiences of the church…and an example of an approach that is helpful to consider; therefore, it is a model for us to emulate.
Paul first showed how his ministry was distinct from the experience of those the church was familiar with. Before these Gentile people ever became Christians, they had observed the ways of religious people. He did not come with flattering words that would manipulate the crowd or seek to win their affection through the art of rhetoric, nor was he exemplifying a front-facing humility with an underlying desire for personal gain (2:5). He was not seeking to shore up some underlying self-image deficiency by seeking glory; rather, working from a deep well of his relationship to Christ, he simply served the people what they needed (which may differ significantly from what the would have preferred or desired, 2:6).
Then the picture…I was gentle…like a nursing mother to her own children. This imagery conjures up numerous thoughts…but a couple stand out prominently in my mind:
- Nursing mothers give of themselves. In the same way, a discipler must give of his/her own storehouse. Anyone can read a lesson plan…but disciplers have walked the path, internalized the Word, and feed others from the overflow.
- Nursing mothers are responsive. This is sometimes responsive to the audible cry of a child; however, there is an intuitive sense between a mother and her own infant. They can be in different rooms and the mother sense a need that the child has not yet fully expressed.
- Nursing mothers are patient. I have never known a nursing mother to say to her child, “We have 3 ½ minutes to get this done so hurry up.” They let the child take what is needed, when it is needed, as it is needed.
- Nursing mothers function from a deep love for their children. They endure all that they do…solely for the benefit of the child. (In the process, they also gain…but their gain is not the motivation). Disciplers live, serve, and give of themselves to those they disciple (2:7).
- Nursing mothers model unequal equality. A mother’s OWN CHILD is part of her…her own flesh…(EQUAL) and at the same time, is wholly dependent on the mother for life (UNEQUAL). A disciple-maker is, in one sense, a needy and dependent human existing under the gracious covering of God. In another sense, the discipler acknowledges and serves as one through whom God sustains new life and brings it to maturity.
Now I could go on and on. (I am a preacher after all). However, if we could just see ourselves in the way Paul saw himself…if we only trained ourselves to serve as he served, love as he loved…we would have a lifelong pursuit of joy realized in raising up infants to maturity so they could feed their own children as well. The strength for this rising up from the wellspring of God’s gracious and loving provision toward us and our corresponding affection for our own children…serving them as unequal equals.
Shalom.
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by chrisaiken | Feb 26, 2018 | discipleship, Faith, Leadership, parenting, Pastor's Reflections
It goes by so quickly. One minute, you’re warming up bottles of milk and the next, they’re in college. Well, maybe it isn’t quite that fast…but it sure seems that way. What I know to be true is this, it went faster than I imagined and the lessons of life that seemed most impactful to my children were not the “intentional messages,” but those they observed by my conduct. This is no small matter! I preach the gospel with words every week…yet the messages that resonated most deeply, that influenced most effectively, that influenced behavior most predictably were those that were less intentional.
If this is true, perhaps we would do well to consider, What am I teaching unintentionally? Better yet, “How can I use unintentional opportunities INTENTIONALLY?”
Here is what I mean:
No parent ever tells me that they hope that their children grow up to be apathetic toward God. That’s crazy…yet what if we are actually teaching apathy? Is it possible that our children learn about passion for God from observing our passion?
No parent ever says, “I hope my kids value sports more than Jesus…or work more than Jesus,” but our unintentional messages (example) may be teaching that very truth as normal and acceptable.
In a day and age when we are so shocked that, according to a recent study, kids believe it is a more morally wrong matter to “not recycle” than to tell a lie…we must ask, “How can we change the trajectory?”
Here are four suggestions:
- Model Commitment to “best” things. We always had a rule in my house that if you signed up for something, you finished your commitment. When our boys signed up for band, they were expected to complete the whole season. When the joined a team, they were expected to compete for the entire season. What if we placed that same commitment on ourselves and our children regarding our faith? I mean…model being moms and dads who choose on Saturday night to worship on Sunday morning.
- Model Service over Consumerism. I love to see families that serve in the church and have their kids alongside. Whether in the foyer serving as greeters or on a team caring for the grounds… service is elevated. The result will likely be that when they begin to choose these things for themselves, they will choose wisely.
- Model Value for Worship and Small Groups. I know that time is precious, but can you believe that some families will only participate in a worship service or a small group for 90 minutes in an entire week? What happens then? Well, if you don’t insist on your child participating in worship, he or she will come to see corporate worship as optional. If they only come to worship, they’ll see small group ministry (which is vital…as optional). Who among us wants our children to devalue one of these while they are raising our grandchildren?
- Model Dependency in Every Area of Family. Take time to be caught learning. Let the family catch you reading the Scripture according to a disciplined schedule. Let them see you pray for wisdom and insight on decisions–big and small. Let them join you in seeking the Lord’s answers and direction.
Leadership in these areas affects future trajectory. 3 John 4 reminds us of the joy in a parent’s heart when seeing his grown children walking according to the proper example.
Remember, we are always leading. The question is not IF, but WHERE and HOW.
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by chrisaiken | Sep 25, 2017 | discipleship, Leadership, parenting, pastor
Recently, I received a precious note from a mom. I have been preaching on the subject of evangelism lately noting that ALL of God’s people are, by design, proclaimers of the gospel. In fact, I have been encouraging the church I lead to embrace a challenge to identify one person (#MyOne) and share the gospel with them using the “3 Circles” Conversation Guide. Sharing the gospel is more than a statement or conversation about Jesus; which necessarily makes it more than a Christian greeting (God bless you) or a Christian truth (Jesus loves you) but that it connects the brokenness of man with God’s redemptive story and points to the restoration that is possible when we repent and believe the gospel.
This mom shared the challenge of this. In essence, she wanted to know how her sharing with her children fit into this challenge. It is a GREAT QUESTION and, with her permission, I wanted to pass along some of my response because I imagine there are others who are in a similar situation. So, “does sharing the gospel with my children, who have my nearly complete attention every day, fulfill the great commission mandate?”
In short, my answer is Yes, this is the Great Commission, but, ALONE, it is incomplete. This mom is intentional about consistently connecting the gospel to her kids’ lives. This is the premier method of discipleship. In fact, I don’t know of any better outworking of Deuteronomy 6 than what this mom described.
At the same time, Jesus expressed a “going” aspect of the gospel enterprise. He called us to make disciples as we go (Matt 28:19) and to go and preach the gospel to all creation (Mark 16:15).
These truths are not opposed to but complimentary of one another. We are to constantly rehearse, train and teach the gospel to those who are redeemed and exist within our circles of influence while at the same time, expanding the scope of our circle by building bridges to new people. Here is my response to this mom, in part:
My hope, and I think the biblical admonition, with the #MyOne promotion is to treat honestly the intent of the Lord in evangelizing. Jesus did this in every conversation. Sometimes more overt in some than others…but He always pointed to God’s redemption and man’s required response. The other NT writers did as well. I can hardly think of a teaching in the NT that is not focused on evangelizing or on living out the Gospel. They are never really separated from each other.
If we are to treat the Scriptures with honesty, we must also see that there is a “going” aspect of the gospel enterprise as well. It is never the intent that we would simply work within our “constant” circles of influence; rather, that we would be continually building bridges to reach new people INTENTIONALLY seeking to see how the Lord is working in those relationships so that we can join Him in His gospel work. Just as with your child, God loves our neighbors and desires their redemption even more than we do. He has, in these cases, commissioned us as instruments of redemption both in telling and applying the gospel in the lives of others.
So, reach your child and your neighbor. Praise God for that. Encourage other moms with the Gospel. Praise God for that. AND…intentionally grab that wife who is a HOT MESS and have her and her rowdy kid over for a play date…and get to know her and her crazy world. Then, prayerfully, build a gospel bridge. Then do it again!
There isn’t enough time to do it all, but we must continually press the limits of the circle outward…for Jesus’ sake.
So, what do you think? Can you relate to this mom? What would you add to what I shared?
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by chrisaiken | Jul 29, 2016 | Devotions, parenting, pastor, Pastor's Reflections
I was blessed this morning in my morning Scripture reading as I began the Gospel of Luke (after many, many months in the Old Testament Prophets). In the first chapter I was struck afresh by an observation from a passage in the Gospel of Luke.
In Luke 1:13-16, the angel Gabriel announces to Zacharias the priest that he will have a son in response to his prayers and according to the purpose of God (See Galatians 4:4-5 for a little perspective on God’s timing and purpose). These are the “broad strokes” of the announcement:
- Your wife (against all odds and outside of what is expected to be physically possible Lk 1:18) will bear you a son.
- You will give him the name John
- Many people will rejoice at his birth
- He will be great in the sight of the Lord
- He will be consecrated to God by solemn vow (drink no wine)
- He will be filled with the Holy Spirit
- He will turn many of the sons of Israel back to God!
- He has been chosen by God to be the forerunner to the Messiah.
I was struck by how this “father” must have valued the announcement of his son’s future life. Nothing was said of John’s success in business, academic achievement or how many trophies he would receive playing sports. Noting was spoken about his prom date or the beauty of the woman he would marry. These are things we tend to value, but they are (I suggest) not the most significant. John’s existence had everything to do with his relationship to the Messiah and his usefulness to the purpose of God as the forerunner of the Christ.
Here is the value question: If God announced to you that your child will be a great missionary and live in obscurity; or, your child will be greatly misunderstood and vehemently opposed by many because of His religious faith; or, your son will be a preacher whose stance on truth will cost him his life…do WE value the purpose of God in that announcement the same as we do the promise of academic, athletic, or business success? Are we as “stoked” about our child sharing his faith as we are his receiving a $1,000 scholarship for a high school essay?
Ultimately, the answer speaks more about our heart and our values and our view of God’s sovereign calling…than it does about anything our child achieves or has assigned.
Perhaps we should seek the answer from the One who looks deeply into our souls. Perhaps in so doing, we will recognize error in our values…or maybe we will be affirmed in them! There is no greater place to be than in the midst of the will of God. To this end, we should pray, and yield, and seek, and long.
Lord bless!
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by chrisaiken | May 30, 2016 | culture, Leadership, parenting, Pastor's Reflections
Is Faith “Taught or Caught?” The Answer is YES! In this article in the Huffington Post, which may or may not be on your daily culture reading list, we find the conclusions drawn from a recent survey on the factors that most effectively contribute to faith practices in young adults. In short…parents who communicate and demonstrate the importance of faith in THEIR LIVES through their PROCLAMATION and their ACTIONS transmit the importance of faith to their children/teens…and it “sticks” through their young adult years when most studies claim that most people fall away from their faith.
Note:
“…sociologists Christopher Bader and Scott Desmond found that children of parents who believe that religion is very important and display their commitment by attending services are most likely to transmit religiosity to their children.“
Of course it is anecdotal on my part, but I believe that my faith was directly communicated by my parents…both good and bad. I came to faith in Christ at a church service when my dad AND mom took me to church (age 9). When “mean people” in that church acted judgmentally toward my dad (age 10 for me), we stopped attending. I did not see the inside of another church until around age 14 or so. Then, dad took us to another church where he was committed and served and invited me to serve alongside him (as a Junior Usher no doubt). I even began wearing a slick little sport coat to church and everything.
In fact, dad taught me my early beliefs about “giving an offering” at church in those early days. I still remember the message he taught me (which was biblically wrong then and he would reject himself today). Later in my late 20s and 30s as I felt the calling to ministry and began to preach, Dad again shaped my faith. He went with me on most occasions that I preached in other churches. [This deserved the big award…since those were horrible sermons…but he went and offered great encouragement. He even called around to help me schedule additional opportunities.]
The point is, I learned much about the importance of faith through what my dad said and did. Honestly, I learned much of the substance of theology, hermeneutics, homiletics, apologetics, etc. from my pastor, Bible college, and Seminary…but my “heart” for “faith” was first transmitted to me by my dad. Many of the early anchor points (good and bad) were transmitted to me by my dad.
So, as a pastor and dad myself now, it often grieves me when I see moms and dads transmitting dangerous faith lessons to their kids: when they prioritize travel ball over church, or cheer practice over student ministry, or fishing over soul winning. I am grieved when they teach their kids to hold loosely to community allegiance by changing churches so that their kids can experience the latest “cool” thing in ministry (insert your flashiest new outreach or ministry program here). I am grieved when faith is rarely discussed in the home or when opportunities to demonstrate reliance on God are passed up in times of major decisions or planning.
In closing let me offer one last tidbit: moms and dads, you communicate more about the importance of depending on God when you speak of and live dependently. Actually PRAY before major decisions. Actually plan vacations around church events. Actually be “caught” reading your Bible and serving in your church. If you do or do not…you’ll be amazed at how your faith shapes the faith of your children throughout their lives.
NOTE: I spoke of my dad throughout this article. In no way am I diminishing my mom’s contribution. She was a woman of faith. She was there throughout the journey. I simply watched and emulated my dad more. I believe part of that is the fact that, well you know, I am a guy. The other part relates to the biblical reality that dads have amazing and God-ordained leadership roles in the lives of their children. Single moms have it tough. Married moms with husbands who are disinterested in practicing their faith have it TOUGHER since mom now has to counteract the influence of the father and attempt to win her children to a strong faith position even though her husband is ACTIVELY leading the children to another faith position, though not faith in God. THANK GOD my mom did not have to overcome my dad’s influence…and THANK GOD she too was influenced by it and communicated a consistent message to her children.
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