Love Isn’t Enough…Reflecting on 30 years of Marriage

by | Jun 25, 2018 | discipleship, Faith, Marriage, pastor, Pastor's Reflections, Personal

Today, Jodi and I celebrate our 30-year Anniversary. It is an amazing thing to look back on three decades, two children…homes in six states and two countries…and various job and business pursuits. Two teenagers from Upstate South Carolina…in love…setting out on a course ‘til death we do part. After 30 years, let me say to you with some degree of experience…Love isn’t enough.

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I know it seems like a weird thing to say. I love Jodi and she loves me…now more than ever before, BUT love isn’t enough. In our world today, we want to tap into some sentimental source of power that says love conquers all and if you love one another, nothing else matters. I am not certain we really believe that. After all, I am fond of living indoors and eating meals…especially eating. Love is important…and love INFORMS our actions…but love alone would not result in 3+ decades of marriage.

 

 

 

Here are twelve things that I think are essential…and perhaps this list will be a help to you as well:

  • A commitment to serve one another. A good marriage is about what you bring to the table, not what you want to get out of it. Christ is the example. There is no better servant than my wife…bar none…anywhere.
  • A humility that demands death to self-interest. This is related to serving but speaks more deeply to the motivation. Spouse > Self.
  • A commitment to Covenant. God designed marriage to “image” (though we do it imperfectly) His covenant commitment to His people. The promise we made in 1988 was to one another and to God. We have no right to quit on the promise.
  • Laugh…especially at yourself. Yep, life is too funny to be serious all the time. Laugh at yourself and with one another.
  • Don’t stop pursuing. We tell couples this all the time. Apathy is a killer in marriage. Be IN THE HUNT! Hey sir…if you know more about the patterns of deer on your game-cam or preferences of fish in your favorite fishin’ hole than you know about your wife…you’re doing it wrong.
  • Listen…a lot.
  • Say “I’m sorry” a lot…and forgive quickly. You blow it. She does too, but not nearly as frequently. Apologize immediately…and forgive as Christ forgave you.
  • Unmitigated respect. My wife is amazing at edification. She never exposes my deficiencies to her friends or others. She speaks well of me to others. If she has a complaint (and I give her tons of material), she brings it to me. We acknowledge that neither of us are perfect but we don’t lay out the laundry piece by piece. That honors me.
  • A common purpose. Pursue something together. Build to the future as a couple. Don’t run individual roads that occasionally cross. Choose a road together. Run in your lane but work it together and enjoy the victory together. This starts with your common faith pursuit but certainly doesn’t end there.
  • Think generations, not decades or years. Jodi and I are interested in how we can influence our grandchildren’s grandchildren.
  • Rehearse the journey and share the lessons. When we get to invest in other couples, we re-tell the stories of wins, losses, and lessons learned. Each time…my faith is strengthened.
  • Remind yourself and your spouse often, after God, she is NUMBER 1. She must not be forced to compete with hobbies, jobs, the kiddos or the phone. Anything that is a rival to her, must be forsaken.

How did you make it thirty years? Because God is gracious and Jodi is godly. If I had to depend on her love for me alone, I would never have made it through my childish Army days. The greater question is how will we make it the next thirty and the thirty after that if the Lord gives us that many days. One day at a time, loving passionately and intentionally…and trying to give attention to these things.

Courage required!

by | May 2, 2018 | Devotions, discipleship, Faith, Leadership

A man goes to the doctor and is accompanied by his wife. They are escorted to the exam room and await the doctor’s arrival. When she comes in, the doctor promptly asks, “What would you like me to say to you today? What diagnosis do you want me to declare and prescribe a remedy for?” The man and his wife are dumbfounded…because what they wanted was an examination and for the doctor to tell them what was actually wrong and simply to treat that condition.

Honestly, the story is fictional and outlandishly so…because who would ever go to a doctor demanding that the doctor simply parrot the patient’s self-diagnosis? Only a fool.

In my time with the Lord today, I re-read the story of Ahab’s demise (1 Kings 22). This verse stood out:

“But Jehoshaphat said, ‘Is there not yet a prophet of the Lord here that we may inquire of him?’ [Ahab] The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat. ‘There is yet one man by whom we may inquire of the Lord, but I hate him, because he does not prophesy good concerning me, but evil…’ ” 1 Kings 22:7-8.

Of course, the verse pointed me forward to the counsel of Paul to pastor Timothy:

1I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom:

2preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.

3For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires,

4and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.

5But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

2 Timothy 4:1–5 (NASB95)

The fact is…the man of God is commanded and charged to speak for God and for God alone. If you read all of 1Kings 22, you see that Micaiah’s prophesy was indeed one of defeat for Ahab. It was also contrary to the 400 other assembled prophet’s statements. God graciously revealed through Micaiah to Ahab how this could be so…but the desire was for a pleasant word that uplifted the king…not necessarily the truth and particularly not if that truth was not in the king’s favor! Micaiah was imprisoned on bread and water for his services. The king committed him there as a way of manipulating him to change his tone:

“…Thus says the king, ‘Put this man in prison and feed him sparingly with bread and water until I return safely.’ “ 1 Kings 22:27.

Micaiah the prophet was not persuaded and responded in this manner:

“Micaiah said, ‘If you indeed return safely the Lord has not spoken through me.’ “ 1 Kings 22:28.

People make decisions about the church they will attend and the pastor they will listen to. They make decisions for various reasons. Some, like Ahab, want only to hear good spoken toward them. These are like the fools seeking a doctor to prescribe according to the patient’s instructions. Others, desire truth. They want it straight, even (and especially) if it hurts and prompts them to change. Regardless of the people’s desires…the man of God has but one command: “preach the word,” (2 Tim 4:2) and be willing to cling to it even in prison.

Today, even amidst cultural pressures to be silent or be approving when it comes to sin and faithless conduct…PREACH THE WORD! Be faithful to the One who has faithfully placed the truth within you and love others enough to simply speak truth.

Lost sheep: Backslidden or Unregenerate

by | Apr 3, 2018 | church, discipleship, Faith, Pastor's Reflections

In recent months, I preached through Luke 15 and the parable Jesus tells about the value of finding the lost. It is a single parable with several “movements” or sub-texts in the story. He deals with a lost sheep, a lost, coin, a lost son in the far-country and even a lost son in the field.

I am so grateful for students of the Word that ask questions about the text. One such question came up during the series and it speaks to an important consideration: Was the lost sheep really “lost” (in the sense that he represents an unbeliever) or was he “backslidden” (a genuine part of the flock that had wandered away?) This post provides, in part, my answer to the question, because I think it is important for all believers to consider…

Thanks for your question…regarding whether the sheep, coin, and son could have been saved and backslidden. While the text doesn’t use that term or even communicate the idea directly, it is not a stretch to draw the conclusion based on the analogies of the pictures in the Parable. Remember, of course, that parables, metaphors, and analogies can only go so far and actually fall apart if pressed too far. For instance, God is not a woman nor would He ever be careless to lose anything of value, particularly a soul. That would never fit with any other part of our theology. People are also not dumb, soulless animals either. While the Bible uses the sheep and shepherd imagery a good bit, the analogy breaks down if we push it too far…unless we hold that sheep can make a moral decision to be saved.

All that being said, I would not be offended if I heard someone preach on the text from the angle that the coin and sheep were backslidden. I don’t think that is the best understanding of course, but it is tenable. Here are a couple of things that I think would inform my thoughts on why it speaks of lostness rather than a backslidden state:

  • The real issue in the text is the disapproval the religious elites showed toward Jesus for receiving tax collectors and sinners. I don’t know anyone who would argue that they (tax collectors and sinners) are saved and backslidden.
  • Jesus is addressing the religious attitudes and saying that while they are offended at the sinners, heaven celebrates when a sinner repents. I think the clearest implication is that the sinner is becoming a believer, not being restored in fellowship.
  • The work of the owner who is going out to find that which is lost is the same whether that lost one is saved and backslidden, or altogether lost. To demand that it mustbe the former creates a slippery theological slope (in my opinion), leading some to conclude that everyone (even those who bear no genuine marks of a converted life) is “right” with God, even those who live like unregenerate tax collectors and sinners…and will ultimately be in heaven even if they acted like lost people all of their lives. For me, this view would seem to blunt the edge of the evangelistic commission.
  • The celebration of the person coming to faith or the celebration of a restored prodigal (or perhaps even a better picture viewed through the elder brother) would seem to be the same…at least to me.

So, if the work is the same, and the celebration/attitude is the same, AND if Jesus is addressing bad attitudes of the religious elite toward sinners and tax-collectors, I think the most logical conclusion is that the items lost represent the unregenerate, not just the backslidden; however, there is not enough meat in the analogy to be dogmatic for that position and certainly not for the position that they are definitely backslidden.

I find a great deal of comfort and peace in the fact that the responsibility to determine is someone is backslidden, unregenerate, or even if a person is saved…does not rest with me. God knows the conditions of a man’s heart. God alone is able to judge, so I must be cautious not to demand that a person is saved or lost based on their actions. I am called to be a fruit inspector though…to be discerning…and to act faithfully toward those with fruit (encouraging, sharpening and rejoicing with them), as well as toward those without fruit (calling them to come to Christ). The work is the same! As disciples and disciple-makers, our “job” is to focus on fruit…for it is in the bearing of fruit that God is glorified (John 15:5,8).

Considerations for the Day:

  1. How is the “fruit” in your own life? Could someone make the case for your faith in Christ by pointing to your calendar…your wallet…your words…your work ethic…your attitude…your concern for others…your passion for God?
  2. How sensitive are you to the fruit of others? When you see a fruitless fig tree…do you walk by or do you address it? Does it matter if that person has a Bible on their car seat or a Koran? Isn’t the grace of God sufficient for both? Isn’t our humble posture the same with both? Isn’t our emphatic and empathetic plea the same with both…draw near to Christ?

Weep for Hawking’s Family…

by | Mar 18, 2018 | discipleship, evangelism, Faith, Leadership, pastor, Teaching

In 2002, I was introduced for the first time (that I recall) the work of Stephen Hawking. He was a brilliant physicist and a self-avowed atheist (HERE, and HERE). His work on the origin of the universe has been formative in educational curriculum to say the least.

Since hearing of his death, I have listened to many who have selectively spoken of him in nearly “saint-like” terms; whereas other, many of them Christian, have pointed out that he is no longer an atheist and has met the Lord as Judge. Consequently, opinions have flown back and forth and even a few barbs along the way. So, how should a Christian feel about Hawking’s death? Further, how should one speak of the death of an unbeliever in order to balance compassion and truth?

What is certain is that Hawking has stepped into eternity. It is difficult to say…but he entered into an eternal judgment the moment his death occurred. His fate is sealed and not by some capricious act from a temperamental God; rather, his eternity reflects just consequences for willful choices in his life to resist the evidence that points to God (Romans 1). Here are a couple of truths:

  • But for the grace of God, there go I. (Ephesians 2:8-9) No one earns righteousness with God. No one is justified by merit; rather, each person who experiences the forgiveness of the Lord does so because God is gracious and merciful, a friend to sinners and a redeemer of those who would call on Him. There is no room, therefore, for prideful reactions to the death of a lost person.
  • Amen and Amen. When Nadab and Abihu, sons of Aaron were judged and killed for their sin against God, Moses told Aaron not to cry (Leviticus 10:1-7). This may seem heartless, but it is instructive to us. A Christian, by definition, greatly desires the Lord’s honor and glory to be manifested. To wish against justice toward sin is to diminish the glory of God. To bemoan the Lord’s actions or to try to soften the consequences of sin by creating the “possibility narrative,” (i.e. “it is possible he prayed for salvation just before his death;” or, “perhaps God will forgive him since he contributed so much to science”) reduces God’s righteousness to some form of a quid pro quo. God is righteous and just. He does not reduce His standards to squeeze one more person into heaven. Instead, He fulfills the standard and invites all to seek and find forgiveness in Christ.
  • Weep with those who weep. Whenever a life is lost in death, there are people deeply affected. Weep with them. Do not act as though they should not grieve. They should. Grieve with them, sharing in their loss.
  • Commit to more fervent evangelism. (John 9:4) There will be some who will be swept up in the accolades attributed to this scientist. Some may adopt his beliefs as their own. Be more passionate for their salvation than ever before…because hell is real and God is just. Eternity is fixed at our death and it is…forever. Live your life to turn back sinners from their rebellion calling them to turn to Christ (Jude 23; Romans 12:15).

Don’t Discount the Difficulties…

by | Feb 27, 2018 | Devotions, discipleship, Faith, Leadership, Pastor's Reflections

Life is hard. Even on its best days, there are moments that test you, try you, and even grieve you. Some believe that difficulties are the times we must endure so that we can get back to God’s plan for our lives. In these cases, it is as if the difficulties are an interruption to God’s good favor on our lives. What if, however, difficulties were significant and good and glorious and God’s design?

I was meditating on Psalm 23 this morning and thinking through events of recent days. This verse arrested me: “Even though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, because You are with me…” (Psalm 23:4).

No one volunteers for “the valley of the shadow of death.” That would be crazy; however, it was in the valley that David recognized God’s presence. (Because You are with me…)

This observation is not new. It is not trendy. It is not unique to the Old Testament. It is, rather, a consistent theme. It was under a Juniper tree in the desert when God sent an angel to minister to Elijah. It was walking on the waters of the Sea where Peter experienced Jesus’ salvation. It was in the prison that Paul and Silas, having endured beatings and humiliation that they were stirred in their hearts and sang hymns that ushered God’s saving presence into the jail and saved a household.

James opens his epistle by reminding us to “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” (James 1:2-3).

Perhaps a better view of trials and difficulties is required. When facing the trials, consider these five things:

  • What is God Doing? If this trial is intended to cause me to stumble, it is not a trial but a temptation…meaning that it is not God who is acting. (James 1:13).
  • Where is God working? God never wastes His time. Pause and pray, asking to see what God is up to. What areas of the trial are most heart-wrenching and prevalent.
  • How does this trial build on what I learned in the last one? In my experience, God doesn’t use a one and done (Like: Oh, you need some humility. Here is a humbling experience. Check. Ok, back to your regularly scheduled life—God).
  • What are you confessing? Often, our trials are connected to the sins we are confessing. For instance, “God I struggle to love others with a love like Christ. Forgive me…” This may be followed by a trial of loving an unlovely person or losing an opportunity to love someone…through death or disconnection.
  • Who is God putting in your path? If you read and reflect on 2 Corinthians 1, you realize that God is always shaping us through our experiences to be a conduit of comfort and grace toward others. Often, God teaches me compassion toward others by allowing me to experience a similar struggle. This really does influence my empathy.

Ultimately, if we hold to a correct doctrine of God’s sovereignty we must declare that God is sovereign both on the mountaintops and in the valleys. So…don’t discount the difficulties. They are gracious gifts from a loving and sovereign King.

I Did Not Know You Were Watching…

by | Feb 26, 2018 | discipleship, Faith, Leadership, parenting, Pastor's Reflections

It goes by so quickly. One minute, you’re warming up bottles of milk and the next, they’re in college. Well, maybe it isn’t quite that fast…but it sure seems that way. What I know to be true is this, it went faster than I imagined and the lessons of life that seemed most impactful to my children were not the “intentional messages,” but those they observed by my conduct. This is no small matter! I preach the gospel with words every week…yet the messages that resonated most deeply, that influenced most effectively, that influenced behavior most predictably were those that were less intentional.

If this is true, perhaps we would do well to consider, What am I teaching unintentionally? Better yet, “How can I use unintentional opportunities INTENTIONALLY?”

Here is what I mean:

No parent ever tells me that they hope that their children grow up to be apathetic toward God. That’s crazy…yet what if we are actually teaching apathy? Is it possible that our children learn about passion for God from observing our passion?

No parent ever says, “I hope my kids value sports more than Jesus…or work more than Jesus,” but our unintentional messages (example) may be teaching that very truth as normal and acceptable.

In a day and age when we are so shocked that, according to a recent study, kids believe it is a more morally wrong matter to “not recycle” than to tell a lie…we must ask, “How can we change the trajectory?”

Here are four suggestions:

  • Model Commitment to “best” things. We always had a rule in my house that if you signed up for something, you finished your commitment. When our boys signed up for band, they were expected to complete the whole season. When the joined a team, they were expected to compete for the entire season. What if we placed that same commitment on ourselves and our children regarding our faith? I mean…model being moms and dads who choose on Saturday night to worship on Sunday morning.
  • Model Service over Consumerism. I love to see families that serve in the church and have their kids alongside. Whether in the foyer serving as greeters or on a team caring for the grounds… service is elevated. The result will likely be that when they begin to choose these things for themselves, they will choose wisely.
  • Model Value for Worship and Small Groups. I know that time is precious, but can you believe that some families will only participate in a worship service or a small group for 90 minutes in an entire week? What happens then? Well, if you don’t insist on your child participating in worship, he or she will come to see corporate worship as optional. If they only come to worship, they’ll see small group ministry (which is vital…as optional). Who among us wants our children to devalue one of these while they are raising our grandchildren?
  • Model Dependency in Every Area of Family. Take time to be caught learning. Let the family catch you reading the Scripture according to a disciplined schedule. Let them see you pray for wisdom and insight on decisions–big and small. Let them join you in seeking the Lord’s answers and direction.

Leadership in these areas affects future trajectory. 3 John 4 reminds us of the joy in a parent’s heart when seeing his grown children walking according to the proper example.

Remember, we are always leading. The question is not IF, but WHERE and HOW.