Be Redemptive, not just Receptive…

by | Feb 6, 2018 | discipleship, Leadership, pastor

“Hey pastor! So-and-so is upset over _____ and thinks that the direction you are taking is wrong. I prayed with them and, after learning that they had not yet talked with you about it, set up for the two of us to meet with you. Can we do that Tuesday?”

Man! If only every conflict and misunderstanding conversation went like that! Unfortunately, they often go a little differently.

“Pastor. So-and-so left the church because they were upset about ____ and no one ever fixed it. They shared it in Sunday School and the class batted it around, but nothing changed.”

Or, even more often… “Pastor, “a man” (who wants to remain anonymous) is really upset over ____. He shared with me “in confidence” and I prayed with him, but it doesn’t seem to be getting better. He is just more angry. I think he is probably going to leave the church. I know he hasn’t talked with you and I think he should but don’t feel right telling him since he is comfortable sharing his concerns and I don’t want to damage that. I can’t tell you his name…but just know that this man is upset and pray for him.”

Now…none of these conversations are real (at least today), but they have been through the years. They point to a need that I think exists for the believer who wants to do the right thing but doesn’t know how.

What do you do when someone wants to “share” with you a concern involving another person? Should you be receptive or redemptive?

If you listen to that “inner voice,” for a thousand reasons, you’ll want to be receptive; however, Jesus specifically gave us a redemptive ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor 5:17-21, Gal 6:1-2, Matt 5:21-26, Matt 18:15-18, et.al.). If Jesus is Lord, and our playbook is the Word of God, then our response must be determined by God! After all, He may have invited us into this situation to minister FOR HIM by helping one of His precious ones be redeemed. But, this takes CONFIDENCE in the Lord and COURAGE in our hearts.
In a world of one-directional communication where opinions rule the day…this seems to be increasingly difficult…but if you love Jesus, you can do it!

Here are 5 Steps to being Redemptive rather than being merely Receptive.

  • PRAY. Not merely for courage, but for wisdom. You are about to speak for God.
  • LISTEN. Try to get the story…but start with the parts that matter most. Is the person personally involved or are they “carrying water” for someone else? Have they spoken with the offender directly? If not, was that by design or just a mistake?
  • LEAD. Listening alone, in these examples, is not a biblical approach. If you are going to get involved, you have to speak for the Lord. Lead the person to act biblically and go get answers. Sometimes that means walking with them through the process, even though that is not always the best first step.
  • LOVE. Choose to think charitably about motives. Even if the motives are wrong, the person has worth and there is usually a nugget of value in every criticism (or critical question). If you discover this is not the case in this matter, love them enough to gently redirect them…but redirect them at all costs.
  • LEAVE. Sometimes, a person is entrenched in their mindset and unwilling to move or be moved. In this case, it is often best to extract yourself from the discussion. Every time they recount their story they solidify it deeper in their minds. They start to really believe it as fact. You actually hurt their redemptive process by allowing them to rehearse their disagreement repeatedly and unchallenged. Graciously and lovingly point out what it takes to go to the next step of the redemption process and if they will not go there with you, move on. Your silence may inspire them to come back to that step one day, and if so, pick up where you left off.

Why is this process so critical? Beyond the obvious practical considerations…because Jesus said so. If He is all-knowing and wise, loving and gracious…we should, could, and must trust Him on matters He speaks to by walking in humility and obedience in a manner consistent with His Word.

Give me an undivided heart…

by | Feb 5, 2018 | Devotions

“Teach me Your way, O Lord; I will walk in Your truth; Unite my heart to fear Your name.” Psalm 86:11 (NASB95)

Recently, this verse struck me in my morning quiet time. Essentially, this is a prayer/psalm of David where he makes several requests of the Lord. Hear and answer me, O Lord (v.1); “Preserve my soul” (v.2); “Be gracious to me” (v.3), etc. He also observes essential characteristics about the Lord. “You, Lord, are good and ready to forgive” (v.5); You are trustworthy to answer me (v.7); You are great and do wondrous deeds, You alone are God (v.10).

These things, while not unusual in the Psalms, underscore the nature and confidence of the prayer. We ask of God because He alone is able and willing to provide, and we have confidence of this since what God does emanates from who He is.

The central focus of David’s petition is captured in verse 11:

  • “Teach me…” God, even though I know you and of you I don’t yet KNOW you.
  • “…Your way,” We don’t need God to bless our way but to show us His way so that we will align to it. The idea of “the way” is that of a journey rather than a destination. Our life in Christ is one of movement, discovery, and alignment of our will (which is evidenced by our action) to His.
  • “I will walk in Your truth.” One cannot simply ask God to share His proposal for our lives so we can examine and determine if we will follow. Prayer begins with a heart of surrender to whatever God will do based on faith in His person and character. Stated differently, prayer begins with signing a blank check to God.
  • “Unite my heart to fear your name.” The NIV says, “Give me an undivided heart…” Both translations capture the essence of the verse. David recognized that his heart can become conflicted within itself. In Jewish thought (the context of the verse), the “heart” was the locus of emotion, will, reason, etc. It is the “engine” that propels us.

David recognized what we sometimes overlook: our emotions often conflict with our will or our sense of reason. These three powerful forces can become divided in their interests and concerns. We can become driven by emotion or captive to our logic or so strong-willed that we listen to no one. His prayer is that God would UNITE his heart. “God… help me to maintain the appropriate tension between these powerful draws. IN fact, O God, take over when I am blowing it!”

Why ask God to steer our hearts properly…to keep us from losing balance or becoming driven by out of control emotions, logic/reason, or willfulness? Simply…so that we will fear the name of God.

This fear speaks of reverence or honor but we often work too hard to distance ourselves from fear (as in afraid). David recognized God’s awesome person and power, His mercy and graciousness. But He also recognized God’s holiness and resolute nature that would not be altered and will not permit His name to be tainted by sin. David prayed that his heart be united so that he might live submitted to the person and will of God…fearing the name of the Lord.

Rightly understood, we OUGHT to fear the Lord, as demonstrated in walking in His way. Our hearts can become easily divided in that pursuit; therefore, we ought to depend on the Lord to cause them to be united. We know what that is, as we learn more and experience more of God’s person in the journey of life with Him. Shalom.

Not Alone in the Dark…

by | Jan 22, 2018 | Devotions, discipleship, Pastor's Reflections

We never “really” get over it. That feeling that what we cannot see just might “get us!” When we were small children, our parents may have installed nightlights to show us that nothing was really in the room with us at bedtime. They may have inspected the closet and looked under the bed to demonstrate that nothing bad was there. They may have even explained to us all the reasons our fears were irrational and reminded us that they were on the far side of the house (away from us) and that if we needed them…we only needed to cry out.

The feeling never went away. We wondered if the object of our fears might be lurking in a shadow or may have been overlooked when inspecting the closet. Our real issue was not the darkness but the sense that we were alone.

How does one find peace from the fear and anxiety that bad things happen when we are alone?

I think this is the heartbeat of Jesus’ statement to His followers just prior to His ascension back to the Father in heaven… “and I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20).

Jesus never promised that bad people or bad things would not come against us. He never declared our lives to be filled with unicorns and cotton candy. He, in fact, declared the opposite, “In this world you will have tribulation!” (John 16:33). And at the same time, Christ indicated that we could experience a profound peace, even amid our difficult circumstance.

God’s PEACE is not experienced based on the absence of trouble but on the presence of God.

In Psalm 23, David declared, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me.” God’s presence put our “trouble” in perspective.

A boy was having difficulties with a bully on the walk to school. After several confrontations, he was so afraid of what would happen that he dreaded even walking that way again. His father, recognizing the real issue, did not promise to remove the bully but chose instead to walk with his son on the journey the next day. When they faced the bully kid along the walk, there was no issue. The bully was the same, but the son had confidence because his dad was bigger than the bully and HE WAS WITH HIM.

Today, as you face the challenges that are guaranteed to come, don’t fear the dark or dread being alone. If you are His child, you are never alone…not even in the dark. “Fear not for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God.” (Isaiah 41:10).

Pray for me…

by | Jan 16, 2018 | discipleship, pastor, prayer

So, the question is, “Do I share a concern that I have with others so that they can pray for me and with me?” What if I am wired as a pretty private person and prefer not to “air out” my concerns? What if I have a theological understanding that God already knows my needs and I have prayed personally and specifically about them to Him? Perhaps… “What is the value of getting as many people as possible to pray about something? Does God give in and answer a prayer if you get enough uprising of prayer voices?”

A theology of prayer is not one that many people can articulate, and I don’t expect this short article to suddenly change the world on that matter; however, I do want to offer a perspective that I hope will be helpful.

Recently I came to a milestone in my education. After four doctoral seminars and two advanced doctoral seminars, after reading tens of thousands of pages of texts and hundreds of hours of lecture and conversation about numerous subjects…I had to sit for my comprehensive exams (aka Comps). All of the information I was exposed to and thought about for (in my case) nearly two years was on the table and I had to synthesize it and respond to questions about it. One question was an essay response to a prompt and two questions were “oral board” style with faculty members and a subject matter “practitioner” expert.

So, how do you prepare for that? One thing is pray. While I have a generally good grasp of tests…this one seemed to have so much riding on it, that I was genuinely nervous. So, I prayed and I shared the burden of my anxiousness with those close to me (family, close friends, my LIFE Group, etc.). Here are some of the reasons why I shared with others…reasons I will refer to as benefits:

  • Vulnerability. When you ask others to pray for you, you remind everyone, including yourself, that you are not invincible. This promotes humility. It also facilitates trust.
  • People want to help you. Others recognize when you are genuinely burdened about something and they want to help.
  • Community. Christians live in close-quarters with one another. We are on mission together. It would be derelict to withhold the fact that you are distracted by a concern.
  • Encouragement. Knowing others were praying and then receiving encouraging notes and texts mattered. It lifted me.
  • Shared Victory. When I passed my comps, a HUGE weight was lifted. I still have a ton of work to do, but this was really a big hurdle. I felt like I achieved something. I told Jodi, “I can see the light at the other end now.” I also sensed that many other people felt that they shared in that victory. They did, by the way, because we are a community and we labored together in prayer…so the victory is shared! But…the point is…they FELT the victory when WE PASSED the tests. To not share would have denied others of that realized experience of victory.

So, I get “private” and all that…but with so many benefits of having others pray for you…wouldn’t it be wise to admit that maybe God has a better plan and permit the community to function as it is designed?

Who are you “denying” the opportunity to feel victory because you wanted to keep a real burden private.

The Principle of Unintended Consequence…

by | Jan 15, 2018 | discipleship, Leadership, missional, pastor

A wise man once said, “Don’t tear down a fence until you know why it was erected. There may be something beyond the horizon you don’t want to come after you.”

When I was a small child (I don’t remember this, but only the stories told about it) I was spending time with my aunt and uncle in Florida and was curious about a plastic container near a sink. It had little covers over the two very small cup-like things and there was water in them. I had never seen a contact lens holder before, so I opened one of them and inadvertently washed a contact down a drain. It was not what I intended.

Can I call that an accident? Certainly not! It only happened because I was doing something else I was not supposed to be doing. I did not mean for it to happen. It was an unintended consequence.

In leadership, this principle plays out time and again. In church leadership, these choices seem to magnify intensely (mainly because churches are people and the variables on decisions with people are innumerable). Effective leaders, however, must become adept at forecasting unintended consequences. This involves more than acting and then praying that God protects you from consequences. It involves more than asking three friends what they might do in a similar situation. It means learning to examine a matter from a variety of perspectives.

Here are 4 tips:

  • Ask, “Why is this necessary?” Write down the reason that this change or action is required in your current context. In other words: what problem are you seeking to fix, what question are you seeking an answer to, or what outcome are you trying to achieve?
  • Ask, “How will those immediately affected perceive this action?” When Martha hears you say that you are moving her Sunday School class to the other end of the hall, what will go through her mind as to the rationale? Remember, everyone listens through the filter of their own experiences. Those likely differ from yours as a leader.
  • Ask, “How would this be reported on the evening news?” News reports, at times, scare me. In our attention-deprived culture of soundbites, every story is to be condensed to 90 seconds. If someone were observing your action and then editing the entirety of it to 90 seconds, what would make the highlight reel? Your church cancels a particular outreach event…for (prospectively) a hundred good reasons. If none of those were understood, what would onlookers assume was your motive. As bad as it sounds… “what will people think of your decision?”
  • Verify and Adapt. Take your new information and verify that the consequences of the decision or change are worth it. Then, adapt your message to address beforehand as many of the downsides as you uncovered. If the new direction is good…press on, but be wise as you lead others in the new direction. Don’t complain about people throwing rocks at you when you could have removed them but, instead, left them lying around on the ground.

What might you add to this list if you had written the article? I’d love to hear.