I Did Not Know You Were Watching…

by | Feb 26, 2018 | discipleship, Faith, Leadership, parenting, Pastor's Reflections

It goes by so quickly. One minute, you’re warming up bottles of milk and the next, they’re in college. Well, maybe it isn’t quite that fast…but it sure seems that way. What I know to be true is this, it went faster than I imagined and the lessons of life that seemed most impactful to my children were not the “intentional messages,” but those they observed by my conduct. This is no small matter! I preach the gospel with words every week…yet the messages that resonated most deeply, that influenced most effectively, that influenced behavior most predictably were those that were less intentional.

If this is true, perhaps we would do well to consider, What am I teaching unintentionally? Better yet, “How can I use unintentional opportunities INTENTIONALLY?”

Here is what I mean:

No parent ever tells me that they hope that their children grow up to be apathetic toward God. That’s crazy…yet what if we are actually teaching apathy? Is it possible that our children learn about passion for God from observing our passion?

No parent ever says, “I hope my kids value sports more than Jesus…or work more than Jesus,” but our unintentional messages (example) may be teaching that very truth as normal and acceptable.

In a day and age when we are so shocked that, according to a recent study, kids believe it is a more morally wrong matter to “not recycle” than to tell a lie…we must ask, “How can we change the trajectory?”

Here are four suggestions:

  • Model Commitment to “best” things. We always had a rule in my house that if you signed up for something, you finished your commitment. When our boys signed up for band, they were expected to complete the whole season. When the joined a team, they were expected to compete for the entire season. What if we placed that same commitment on ourselves and our children regarding our faith? I mean…model being moms and dads who choose on Saturday night to worship on Sunday morning.
  • Model Service over Consumerism. I love to see families that serve in the church and have their kids alongside. Whether in the foyer serving as greeters or on a team caring for the grounds… service is elevated. The result will likely be that when they begin to choose these things for themselves, they will choose wisely.
  • Model Value for Worship and Small Groups. I know that time is precious, but can you believe that some families will only participate in a worship service or a small group for 90 minutes in an entire week? What happens then? Well, if you don’t insist on your child participating in worship, he or she will come to see corporate worship as optional. If they only come to worship, they’ll see small group ministry (which is vital…as optional). Who among us wants our children to devalue one of these while they are raising our grandchildren?
  • Model Dependency in Every Area of Family. Take time to be caught learning. Let the family catch you reading the Scripture according to a disciplined schedule. Let them see you pray for wisdom and insight on decisions–big and small. Let them join you in seeking the Lord’s answers and direction.

Leadership in these areas affects future trajectory. 3 John 4 reminds us of the joy in a parent’s heart when seeing his grown children walking according to the proper example.

Remember, we are always leading. The question is not IF, but WHERE and HOW.

Be Glad They Don’t Know What I Know About You…

by | Feb 21, 2018 | Devotions, pastor, Pastor's Reflections

“Now before the Feast of the Passover, Jesus knowing that His hour had come that He would depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.” John 13:1, NASB.

The times of God’s greatest developmental work in a leader’s life are often in the desert or the dungeon. While a leader can learn on a mountaintop, nearly all proclaim that the most formative experiences are sitting in a desert, under a Juniper tree, wishing to die. (1 Kings 19:4). This week, for me, has been one of great development.

Leaders experience criticism. By definition, leaders attempt to shepherd people toward an outcome that they might not choose on their own. Pastoral leaders (pastors) do the same, only having received their orders from God. Pastors, however, don’t get emails that are time and date stamped and wrestle with the same draws toward ungodly actions as everyone else. We KNOW that often the difficulties we face originate with the devil (yes, I believe in a literal devil/satan/slanderer/accuser); however, it is not always easy to distinguish the force behind a person’s actions from the actions themselves. In one sense, “the devil made me do it” is true; whereas, in another sense, the person always willingly participates in the plan.

This week has been one of pretty intense criticism. The details are not as important (from my perspective and for the purposes of this article) as the lessons I’m learning, so I am intentionally leaving them out. My hope is that a reader might be able to transfer some of the principles of the lessons I’m learning to their own situation, even if the circumstances don’t precisely line up.

After three days of anxiousness in my chest and alternating emotions of fear, anger, and despair, the Lord reminded me of a few things today:

  • Whatever they are accusing you of is far less severe than what I ALREADY KNOW about you. (Be glad they don’t know what I know about you…they would talk.)
  • They accused me of stuff I never did and of righteous stuff I did that they did not like.
  • Be like Me.

Well, I am not Jesus. The more I grow in Christ, the more I realize how far I have yet to go toward zeroing in on my own sanctification. On days I start to think that I am making progress, God simply unmasks another layer of my wicked and deceitful heart. Sometimes He does that in prayer or reading the Scriptures. Sometimes the enemy simply screams in my ear. Sometimes the Holy Spirit opens my eyes in the midst of my sin. At other times, God uses the actions of others. In each case, the enemy has a purpose and God has a purpose. The enemy seeks to destroy, discourage, and defame (John 10:10a). God seeks to give us abundant life through unmitigated dependence on Him (John 10:10b). He seeks to conform us to the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-30).

So, this morning God graciously terrified me with part of that image: Christ on a cross, stripped naked, nail-pierced hands and feet, a crown of thorns, bloody from beatings and dried saliva all over his body…praying to the Father, “forgive them…for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34). I’M A ‘THEM,’ that Christ interceded for. I’m one of those sinners…

So how can a sinner elevate himself to a place of judgment against another sinner? Sure, he can and must discern that sin has occurred and who did it and all of that…but to “judge” in that context is to withhold love toward that person. If a person withheld love he may find a perfect consensus from other sinners that he is righteous but Jesus says that to do so is to testify that you are not a follower of His. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35).

Wow, pastor…that’s hard!  Yes…it is. Well, surely God must only mean love those who are easy to love or those that are His own…right? If that were true, how could we reconcile that with “God demonstrates His own love toward us, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, (Romans 5:8), and “Christ is the propitiation for our sins, and not our only, but also for the whole world (1 John 2:2). [Propitiation speaks of the satisfactory payment for our debt] Furthermore, it is specifically in the case of sinful offense that we are told to love and told that love covers sin. “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8).

Paul indicates that to harbor anger or resentment or to clamor or slander is to grieve the Holy Spirit and that we must resist this and walk in love, just as Christ loved us.

Ephesians 4:29–5:2 (NASB95)

29Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

30Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

31Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

32Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;

2and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

Back to the cross. If Christ can face what He faced, and ask God to forgive me for spitting on Him, whipping Him, crucifying Him, mocking Him, and prancing around in my self-righteous head-wagging strut…how can I not love, learn, and leave it at the cross?

So, as painful as criticism is…as hard as the days can become…I choose love, for love covers a multitude of sins.

It is rigged!

by | Feb 12, 2018 | church, discipleship, pastor

Ok. It’s rigged! That was the young man’s conclusion after the third attempt at the carnival game. He was ten dollars into his quest and that stuffed animal was as safe as anything under the sun. He realized that the game had a predetermined outcome and a preset means to win. All other attempts will fail.

Years of looking at the process of how Jesus grows believers have convinced me of this truth: The process is rigged. There may be different pathways to maturity but they all involve community if Jesus is involved. Consider this:

  • Jesus discipled in groups. Sure, he had individual encounters with people, but there were 12 disciples and 3 of those in the inner circle. He trained developed people in groups.
  • The New Testament was predominantly written to churches (communities of believers). Some may correctly observe that the pastoral letters (Timothy and Titus), as well as Philemon, are addressed to individuals, but it is not a far stretch to argue that the subject matter was meant for a much broader audience. Still, that leaves well over 90% of the actual content as intended for communities rather than individuals.
  • Finally, there is no small emphasis on relationships, offense, and forgiveness in the New Testament. It seems that when people get together (community) they can “rub wings” and need to regain alignment. (See Matthew 5:21-26, 18:15-18; Eph 5:21-27, 6:1-9, et.al.)

A favorite tool of the enemy to inhibit growth (at least here in the West and particularly in America) is the infatuation we have with individualism and the nearly universal availability of information. The internet makes information as accessible as the phone in your pocket. If you want to know something about anything, Google lets you type it into a search bar, even poorly worded and misspelled, and spits out a gazillion possible matches in a fraction of a second. This access has reduced the reliance on the church as the dispenser of truth about God and His purposeful design. IOW…why go to a church and listen to stuff you may not agree with alongside people you don’t necessarily have a lot in common with, when you can dial up a podcast of some famous guy across town or across the country and listen in the deer stand?

Here’s what is true as I understand the Scriptures: You cannot make it to maturity apart from the community. Consequently, neither can your children or teens…but they won’t know that until after their values are established by the example and incidental leadership of their parents. (What I mean is, if we as parents model in our actions that corporate worship, small group engagement, and relational alignment are unimportant, we set a foundational stone that will guide the conduct of our younger ones perhaps for a generation or more!)

So, how do we move toward maturity?

  • Be as committed to and engaged in corporate community (church) as we are to our employers or our kids’ cheer squad or traveling soccer team. I we would commit to three practices a week for baseball, could we really argue that the spiritual maturity of our family deserves less?
  • Be engaged in small group ministry. (Yes, engagement is more than membership or sitting through a lesson on Sunday).
  • Get married! Commit yourself to one church and one church system. In a world of ubiquitous information it is easy to find Chandler’s podcast, or the church down the road’s singles ministry…but if you’re committed to your church (via formal or implied membership), placing your trust in these other venues may not only be hurtful to your own community, but harmful to your development.

There are a ton of other things we could talk about or adopt regarding community. What is always true and, really, beyond honest debate:

  • Jesus loves us, and therefore always acts in our best interest and His glory.
  • Jesus designed church as a preferred community for His people. It is not optional. It is a design.
  • The closer we are to His design, the more fulfilling we will find the life He created us for.

Why I ask “Silly Questions?”

by | Feb 11, 2018 | pastor, Pastor's Reflections

Several years ago, I shifted the way I do baptism testimonies. As a pastor, I am constantly looking for ways to make the message of the Gospel connect in people’s lives. So, I am hopeful to use every potential avenue to do that.

For more years than I can count, I have required a written testimony for baptisms. If you came for baptism, I required you to take time to write out a short testimony:

  • What was your life like before Christ?
  • How did you become a Christ-follower?
  • How has your life been impacted since that time?

Ultimately, the goal was to equip believers with a tool they could share when communicating with others about this new Christian life. We would share the testimony on behalf of the candidate just before baptism. It was cool.

A few years ago, I changed the approach. I still encourage someone to write out a testimony; however, I also require a video-based presentation of the testimony which we play before the church. The format of the video is flexible. Some people want to read their testimony. Others prefer to answer questions. Still others…we do in interview form. This is really good for kids. I interview them by asking questions about their decision…but also about their understanding of the gospel and its implications for their lives.

I have noticed though, that some folks slip into “eye-roll mode” when I ask questions…as if the questions are “silly.” The fact is, some of them are. As such, let me explain WHY I do it the way that I do.

  • UNDERSTANDING. I use questions to check understanding. I want to know if a person realizes that they are a deeply-flawed sinner, and not just a person with a few indiscretions to their name. I want to know if the person thinks that baptism “saves” or if they recognize it more accurately as an act of obedience in identification with Christ.
  • APPLICATION. I ask questions about what a person did with the gospel. How did you apply that when you realized it?
  • IMPLICATION. This is maybe the category with the “silliest questions,” particularly with kids. I will ask a child: Would you marry an ugly person if Jesus told you to? Would you be a missionary if Jesus said so? Would you do your homework if Jesus said to? Honestly, I am driving at an understanding of Jesus as Lord. I could ask that directly, but what I’ve found is that by seeking to APPLY Lordship is often harder and more impactful. Do I know that Jesus calls everyone to be a missionary? Of Course! Do I think that God would say to a person, “Go find an ugly boy to marry.” Not really, but I do know that God’s standard of who we marry may conflict with what others think or what we might dream up in our hearts apart from Christ.

This practice of interviewing and asking application/implication questions is not a novelty. The ancient church embraced a form of this with the catechism.

What I believe for certain is this: A proper understanding of the gospel is essential and increasingly rare. While I don’t think the video and questions are a “be all-end all” solution, I hope they help. So, if you hear a silly question and conclude that the pastor is just silly, perhaps pause for a moment and think charitably toward him. Maybe, he’s just trying to ensure that the public commitment of baptism is a genuine and sure commitment on the part of the candidate.

Also, and this is just a secondary benefit…in the world of Facebook and other forms of Social Media…baptism testimonies are great tools for sharing.

If you have other thoughts, I’d love to hear.

Be Redemptive, not just Receptive…

by | Feb 6, 2018 | discipleship, Leadership, pastor

“Hey pastor! So-and-so is upset over _____ and thinks that the direction you are taking is wrong. I prayed with them and, after learning that they had not yet talked with you about it, set up for the two of us to meet with you. Can we do that Tuesday?”

Man! If only every conflict and misunderstanding conversation went like that! Unfortunately, they often go a little differently.

“Pastor. So-and-so left the church because they were upset about ____ and no one ever fixed it. They shared it in Sunday School and the class batted it around, but nothing changed.”

Or, even more often… “Pastor, “a man” (who wants to remain anonymous) is really upset over ____. He shared with me “in confidence” and I prayed with him, but it doesn’t seem to be getting better. He is just more angry. I think he is probably going to leave the church. I know he hasn’t talked with you and I think he should but don’t feel right telling him since he is comfortable sharing his concerns and I don’t want to damage that. I can’t tell you his name…but just know that this man is upset and pray for him.”

Now…none of these conversations are real (at least today), but they have been through the years. They point to a need that I think exists for the believer who wants to do the right thing but doesn’t know how.

What do you do when someone wants to “share” with you a concern involving another person? Should you be receptive or redemptive?

If you listen to that “inner voice,” for a thousand reasons, you’ll want to be receptive; however, Jesus specifically gave us a redemptive ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor 5:17-21, Gal 6:1-2, Matt 5:21-26, Matt 18:15-18, et.al.). If Jesus is Lord, and our playbook is the Word of God, then our response must be determined by God! After all, He may have invited us into this situation to minister FOR HIM by helping one of His precious ones be redeemed. But, this takes CONFIDENCE in the Lord and COURAGE in our hearts.
In a world of one-directional communication where opinions rule the day…this seems to be increasingly difficult…but if you love Jesus, you can do it!

Here are 5 Steps to being Redemptive rather than being merely Receptive.

  • PRAY. Not merely for courage, but for wisdom. You are about to speak for God.
  • LISTEN. Try to get the story…but start with the parts that matter most. Is the person personally involved or are they “carrying water” for someone else? Have they spoken with the offender directly? If not, was that by design or just a mistake?
  • LEAD. Listening alone, in these examples, is not a biblical approach. If you are going to get involved, you have to speak for the Lord. Lead the person to act biblically and go get answers. Sometimes that means walking with them through the process, even though that is not always the best first step.
  • LOVE. Choose to think charitably about motives. Even if the motives are wrong, the person has worth and there is usually a nugget of value in every criticism (or critical question). If you discover this is not the case in this matter, love them enough to gently redirect them…but redirect them at all costs.
  • LEAVE. Sometimes, a person is entrenched in their mindset and unwilling to move or be moved. In this case, it is often best to extract yourself from the discussion. Every time they recount their story they solidify it deeper in their minds. They start to really believe it as fact. You actually hurt their redemptive process by allowing them to rehearse their disagreement repeatedly and unchallenged. Graciously and lovingly point out what it takes to go to the next step of the redemption process and if they will not go there with you, move on. Your silence may inspire them to come back to that step one day, and if so, pick up where you left off.

Why is this process so critical? Beyond the obvious practical considerations…because Jesus said so. If He is all-knowing and wise, loving and gracious…we should, could, and must trust Him on matters He speaks to by walking in humility and obedience in a manner consistent with His Word.