King David was no stranger to betrayal. Betrayal, a violation of trust, is a product of the fall. It is exhibited in the sinful nature of humanity. It is the opposite of God. God never betrays. Ever. In fact, one of the most prolific descriptions of God is often translated as lovingkindness in the English translation. It is the Hebrew word, He-Sed, which speaks of the loyal, covenant love of God. The God who made a promise, prompted wholly within Himself, is faithful and loyal to Himself and His promise; therefore, He is merciful and gracious toward us.
In this Psalm, David brings the pain of betrayal into full view.
12For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, Then I could bear it;
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, Then I could hide myself from him.
13But it is you, a man my equal, My companion and my familiar friend;
14We who had sweet fellowship together Walked in the house of God in the throng.
Psalm 55:12–14 (NASB95)
If an enemy or a hater opposed or undercut David, he could understand it. But for one who was a companion, a close friend, one who worshipped by his side…the weightiness of that is overwhelming!
This hurt is the heart of God’s view on the permanence of marriage and his hatred of divorce. The reality of this is why there is such prolific teaching on guarding unity, extending and seeking forgiveness, and all other manners of reconciliation when relationships are strained. Further, it is why the Bible consistently requiresconfrontation among spiritual family members in nearly every instance when relationships are damaged (See Matthew 5 and Matthew 18). It is never ok to be hurt and to hold a grudge without humbly seeking to resolve the pain.
The life of a disciple in the world we live in is one of constant conflict, predictable pressures, and recurring pain (John 15:18, 16:33, Philippians 1:21-25, Galatians 6:17). In fact, the strife we experience in the world is a “badge of honor” of sorts.
22“Blessed are you when men hate you, and ostracize you, and insult you, and scorn your name as evil, for the sake of the Son of Man.
23“Be glad in that day and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven. For in the same way their fathers used to treat the prophets.
Luke 6:22–23 (NASB95)
But a friend’s betrayal just hits differently. So, what does one DO with betrayal? Three things:
- Remember that you and I are first betrayers, then betrayed. We walked out on God long before someone hurt us.
- Be faithful and humble in confrontation. A friend’s betrayal and our pain does not negate our responsibility as a disciple. We must be willing to have a humble and hard conversation. After all, what if the glory of God in redemption, restoration, and reconciliation hinged simply on our obedience?
- Forgive. In light of our failures in relationships, our betrayal of others…and in response to the desire to restore a relationship through forgiveness, then forgive (See Matthew 18:21-22). Such forgiveness is worshipful as an obedient response to the Lord’s command, and it is mercifully compassionate toward our fellow disciples (Matthew 18:32-33). Forgiveness releases the responsibility to exact justice to the Lord, who is the only One qualified to administer it righteously.
To hold the grudge or to label the betraying brother in a way that is “less than,” simply harms you. Often, the offender has no clue…but the root of bitterness in your soul simply grows stronger and more intransigent. Forgive, by faith for fullness of healing.
We can never experience the freedom of abundant life if we try to renegotiate the conditions of it.
Chris Aiken
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