It goes by so quickly. One minute, you’re warming up bottles of milk and the next, they’re in college. Well, maybe it isn’t quite that fast…but it sure seems that way. What I know to be true is this, it went faster than I imagined and the lessons of life that seemed most impactful to my children were not the “intentional messages,” but those they observed by my conduct. This is no small matter! I preach the gospel with words every week…yet the messages that resonated most deeply, that influenced most effectively, that influenced behavior most predictably were those that were less intentional.
If this is true, perhaps we would do well to consider, What am I teaching unintentionally? Better yet, “How can I use unintentional opportunities INTENTIONALLY?”
Here is what I mean:
No parent ever tells me that they hope that their children grow up to be apathetic toward God. That’s crazy…yet what if we are actually teaching apathy? Is it possible that our children learn about passion for God from observing our passion?
No parent ever says, “I hope my kids value sports more than Jesus…or work more than Jesus,” but our unintentional messages (example) may be teaching that very truth as normal and acceptable.
In a day and age when we are so shocked that, according to a recent study, kids believe it is a more morally wrong matter to “not recycle” than to tell a lie…we must ask, “How can we change the trajectory?”
Here are four suggestions:
- Model Commitment to “best” things. We always had a rule in my house that if you signed up for something, you finished your commitment. When our boys signed up for band, they were expected to complete the whole season. When the joined a team, they were expected to compete for the entire season. What if we placed that same commitment on ourselves and our children regarding our faith? I mean…model being moms and dads who choose on Saturday night to worship on Sunday morning.
- Model Service over Consumerism. I love to see families that serve in the church and have their kids alongside. Whether in the foyer serving as greeters or on a team caring for the grounds… service is elevated. The result will likely be that when they begin to choose these things for themselves, they will choose wisely.
- Model Value for Worship and Small Groups. I know that time is precious, but can you believe that some families will only participate in a worship service or a small group for 90 minutes in an entire week? What happens then? Well, if you don’t insist on your child participating in worship, he or she will come to see corporate worship as optional. If they only come to worship, they’ll see small group ministry (which is vital…as optional). Who among us wants our children to devalue one of these while they are raising our grandchildren?
- Model Dependency in Every Area of Family. Take time to be caught learning. Let the family catch you reading the Scripture according to a disciplined schedule. Let them see you pray for wisdom and insight on decisions–big and small. Let them join you in seeking the Lord’s answers and direction.
Leadership in these areas affects future trajectory. 3 John 4 reminds us of the joy in a parent’s heart when seeing his grown children walking according to the proper example.
Remember, we are always leading. The question is not IF, but WHERE and HOW.
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